If I were to be honest right now, I don't feel like God is going to come through. I don't feel like the rest of my support will come in. I don't feel like He is near. I don't feel like reading my Bible. I don't feel like praying. I feel like living for myself. I feel whiney, crabby, and exhausted. I feel like sin looks interesting right now. My arms feel sore from shots. I feel stressed about finding 2 more flights. I feel anxious about flying. My belly feels nervous about the upcoming reality of my trip. I feel like a bummer. I feel like laying in bed for an entire day.
Good thing my feelings don't matter. God is constant, even when I'm not. Even when I don't feel Him, He is there, working things out. When I don't feel like He is faithful, He still is, regardless of what my head says.
Following my feelings is a troublesome path. I know this. Getting in His word, being in active prayer, and getting enough sleep will help fight this doubt and mediocrity.
I know He is faithful. I know if He called me, He will make a way. I know He restores a weary soul. I know He is preparing me. I know He is with me, and in Him all things are possible. I know that I am His. I know His ways are perfect.
A sweet friend suggested I read Hebrews 11 tonight. I did, and I was encouraged.
vs 1 - Now faith is being sure if what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
vs 6 - And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
vs 25- He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures if sin for a short time.
vs 40- His had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.
Feelings vs. Faith.
Feelings say whatever you feel is true and right in that moment. Faith says the constants are still and always true, even without feeling it.
I am glad I have a God I don't need to feel for Him to be working, or be close. He is faithful, even when I'm not.
Life is uncertain, but my God is not.
Time to sleep and rest my weary body. Good night. Love, M
P.S. - my bandaids from my shots are happy faces and a bunny rabbit! :)