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Friday, June 28, 2013

A Bird, A whisper, & Love.

I must begin this story with a little disclaimer.

I do not know what has happened to me, but I now love animals.

I was the girl last year that had a heart of stone, didn't shed a tear over sad animal commercials, and I certainly didn't care about them. I was quoted as often saying that I hated animals. That was me.

I am not sure what to blame this new lifestyle change on. Maybe it is my new blonde hair, or living with my animal loving roommate, or even nannying for a little girl with the most tender heart. Whatever it is, my heart has grown 3 sizes, and I suddenly love animals.

Tonight, I was driving home from babysitting. It was dusk, and darkness was quickly taking over. I was not even out of the neighborhood when suddenly I pulled my car over to the size of the road, threw my hazards on, and jumped out of the car, leaving the door wide open.
Seven seconds before, I had realized there was a family of birds walking across the road. I saw the momma bird cross, but it took my brain a few seconds to realize that right behind her was a line of baby birds following her. They each seemed as small as a golf ball. They were so tiny.
And right through their perfect little road crossing line, I had drove.
I was terrified that I had hurt them. So I began to search for them, looking and listening. It appeared all of the babies were safe and sound. But the momma's wing seemed injured. She was calling in desperation to her mate.
So, now at this point, I am sobbing, walking through random people's front yards, getting down in the wet grass, trying to coax this crying bird to come closer to me.
Around then, I realized I looked ridiculous, and was acting irrational. If people would've looked out their windows, it could have gotten a lot more interesting. I just needed to save this bird.
As I stood there, feeling helpless, I remembered a verse. It was like Jesus Himself just whispered it to my crazy heart.
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31
As soon as that verse came to mind, the bird got up, and flew away. She was fine.
It got me thinking.
Number One. Jesus cares for birds. He is capable for caring for all things at once, and is actually pretty good at it. He's got this little bird.
Number Two. He cares for me. There are so many things rushing my mind lately. I am nervous about the outcome of much. But, He's got me.
Number Three. He loves me more than a little bird. All of my problems, doubts, worries, and baggage, He cares about. He's got this.
Number Four. He is provider. He cares for the birds and provides for their needs, and He cares for me, and provides for my needs. He's got all of that too.
What a good God.
So, if you are struggling with finding your joy again, falling apart financially, being exhausted, fighting with self image issues, dealing with doubt, waiting on the Lord, or any other thing, let me tell you... He cares for you, and He's got this.
Tonight, I am resting in that. He's got me, and He loves me more than I could ever comprehend.
Love, M

Thursday, June 20, 2013

A child's faith. Bedtime prayers. Prince charming.

I currently have the sweetest little girl in my bed. She is four years old, and my very best friend. We are having our very first slumber party at my house.

I think she has been slightly baffled that I am alone in my apartment. She looked for my prince charming in the closets. I am convinced that she thinks I have been hiding a man and babies from her for years. :-)

Before bed, we brushed teeth, put pjs on, read stories, and said our prayers.

She thanked Jesus for her family, me, the beach, and my cool bathroom. It made my heart smile.

A few minutes later, right before she fell asleep, she asked if she could pray again.
She then prayed with such boldness, it made my heart melt.

"Dear Jesus, my Mechelle is all alone at night, all the time, with no one to snuggle. Please send her prince charming to her house. But not my house, because I don't need one, and I don't even live here. I know you know where he is. Tell him to show up now. Well, not right now, because were having a slumber party, and going to sleep. But please make him. And make him have a heart. Amen."

I am thankful that a sweet babe has such incredible faith that Jesus does know where he is, and who he is. What a good reminder.

Also, Jesus, please make him have a heart. I don't want to marry a robot.

Good night.

Love, M

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Washing Dishes

I have a love/hate relationship with washing dishes.

We do not have a dishwasher in our tiny apartment. It drives me batty most days. I just want them to wash themselves.

In theory, doing the dishes is not the worst thing ever.

I just hate it. I hate the dried on food that is almost impossible to get off. I hate that my hands are wet, and I can't continue a texting conversation. I hate that even when I think I washed them all, there are always more. I hate that there isn't much room to let them dry, so a large percentage of counter top is quickly taken. I hate that my feet hurt from standing so long. I hate that I think about dirty dishes sitting in the sink when I am gone.

And now I hate that I sound like a whiny baby.

To be honest, yes I dislike the dishes, and yes, I may be a bit dramatic when it comes to housework, but for some crazy reason, it is one of the sweetest times I spend with Jesus.

He always seems to whisper into my heart when my hands are elbow deep in sudsy water.

I'm not sure why.

Maybe it is because I can't be on my phone or computer, and I have to be still. Maybe it is because He often convicts me of my ridiculous attitude, and reminds me what it means to serve. Maybe it is because He brings to remembrance what love is, and this is one way I can love my roommate. Maybe it is because He puts people on my heart, and I have the sweetest time praying for them. Maybe it is that He gently reminds me what a blessed life I lead, and how I should be thankful.

I don't know what it is, but I do know that there are still dishes that need to be washed, and I need to get over myself, and go wash them.

Have a good night.

Love, M

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Confession: I am a mess.

Let's be honest.

I don't really enjoy the thought of airing my dirty laundry, for potentially thousands of people I may not even know, to read on here. I also do not think said people excitedly wake up, sit down with their coffee, open my blog and want to hear that I am a mess. So, I continue to write about God's faithfulness, His provision, and attempting to be content. These are all good things.


I wonder if I am not giving the whole story. I wonder if only sharing the good days has made me look better than I really am. I wonder if Jesus isn't getting all of the glory because people aren't seeing the dark days.

I had a few friends recently tell me they wish they could love people like I do, or follow Jesus so diligently as me, or even just have it all together like Michelle.

I laughed. Out loud.

I am a mess. A hot mess.

There is no goodness inside of me apart from Jesus.

My nature is not to love people, and say kind words of encouragement. My nature is to judge people, think nasty, horrific thoughts toward them, and then justify it.

My nature is not to love Jesus. I fight daily to read my Bible, spend time in prayer, and sometimes just not forget about Him. I often fight with Him, disagree with what He is doing, and sometimes just ignore His voice because I don't want to change what I am doing.

I am selfish to the core. I am a gossip. I can hold a grudge. I watch tv shows I shouldn't. I fake it too often with a smile. My house is almost never really clean. I can be a beast to live with. Love does not come easily to me. I am just a mess of a girl. I am no where near perfect.


Jesus is transforming me. He alone can change my evil heart, and teach it to love. He convicts my soul, and it is His kindness that brings me to repentance. He is renewing my mind, and changing my thoughts. It is His love that can cause real joy to flow from my heart.

So please do not think of me as the girl who has it all together. I am not.

I just have a real Jesus.

I am not perfect, but He is. I am inconsistent, He is always constant. I am a sinner, in need of a Savior, and He is that Savior. I am always in need, He is always faithful and provider. I have dreams of big things, and He is the one who put them in my heart, and is working out the details.

I will try to be more transparent, even when it is difficult. I will share the struggles, along with the victories. I just want to point to Jesus, even on the bad days.

Have a good weekend.

Love, M

Monday, June 10, 2013

Rethinking why I choose to wait on the Lord

I recently stumbled across a blog that frustrated me.

Without being rude or arguing for the sake of arguing, I want to share why it upset me so much.

The title of this woman's blog was "Re-Thinking Waiting On The Lord For Husbands For Our Daughters".

She begins her post by saying, "We told our girls who have heart’s desire to marry that they should, “Wait on the LORD to bring you a husband. It needs to be the right man, and the right time, God’s time.” And while I agree with that teaching in some ways, in other ways it is creating older daughters who are still unmarried at 32." ... "And I know, sometimes even in our best efforts our daughters may still not marry at an early age."

I believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting on the Lord, and believing in His perfect timing. I also believe there is nothing wrong with being unmarried at 25, 27, 32, or even 37.

She then states, "We can’t fight the enemy at the gates if our kids don’t have a family, and families start with marriage."

In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, Paul talks about single women, and how they can serve more and be more focused on pleasing the Lord, without distractions. Married women have the wonderful gift of serving and taking care of their husbands. One is not better than the other, they are just different.

Because I am single, I am able to travel and love on people in other countries for months at a time, not missing my family. I can share the name of Jesus in downtown Detroit, and not worry that I won't be home in time to fix dinner. I can pour into lives on a weekly basis for hours, loving them, mentoring them, and encouraging them, without a man wanting me home to love and encourage him.

Don't get me wrong, I would absolutely love to have a husband. I dream about my arms being full of curly haired babies. I want to have dinner on the table every night for my family when my man walks in the door. But that isn't my current reality. I am a single girl, sometimes struggling to be content, and in the mean time, serving Jesus and others.

I have seen friends confess Jesus, babies healed, lives transformed, broken families reunited, and people living free, all because of the power of the name of Jesus. That is what will allow us to fight the enemy, and that alone. The battle against the enemy will not be won because people had a lot of babies. Lives will be transformed and the enemy will be defeated because of Jesus.

She goes on to say, "Biologically speaking, this is alarming (age of marriage rising) as we are all well aware that the older a woman gets, the fewer children she will have, and if she waits until she’s 40+ to marry, the chances of her having any children are rare indeed."

Do not be quick to forget who our God is. He is the Great I Am. He is the one who caused a woman in her 90's (Sarah- Genesis 17:17) to give birth to Isaac, the son of promise. He is the one who gave a baby boy to a woman who for years was barren. (Hannah- 1Samuel 1) He is also the Almighty who placed a baby in the womb of a virgin! (Mary- Matthew 1:18)

I have been told I need to 'hurry up" for a couple of years now. I know that my biological clock is beginning to tick, but even more, I know the One who causes it to tick. He alone is the one that opens and closes wombs. If one day He chooses to give me eight babes, or an empty house, He will still be good, and He will still be God. My ultimate goal in life is not to have a home full of children. It is to honor Jesus.

She then finishes up with, "Prayer is essential, yes, but we can’t leave it at that. (We) can’t just sit back and wait for the LORD to supernaturally bring a wonderful young man into the lives of our daughters..."

In her blog she recommends parents trying new churches with their daughters to look for a husband, having people over for cookouts, and encourages parents to find their son-in-law.

I have often wondered what kind of man my parents would pick for me. I'm sure he would be wonderful, and handsome. But as much as my parents love me, they don't know what I truly need. The man they pick could just be a good actor. He may appear to be a man that loves Jesus, or he could just know what to say, and not say. I want the man that God chooses for me. Our God knows the heart, thoughts, and intentions of man. 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”"

Prayer is so important. James 5:16 says, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." I believe God hears our prayers, and honors them, in His timing. His Word says that He works all things together for good for those that love Him, and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) I believe that He is working this out. The Bible also reminds us in a few places not to worry. So I will choose not to worry, and believe that God knows what is best for me.

Our God's very nature is that He is supernatural. Everything He does screams that. Creation is just the beginning of His handiwork. The entire Bible tells of Him making the blind see, calming the storms with His voice, calling down fire from heaven, freeing an entire nation from captivity, and changing water to wine, just to name a few. John 21:25 says, "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written." It is natural to His being to perform miracles, do things that only He can, and bring glory to His name.

I am learning that waiting is not a passive thing. Sitting at home and knitting is not necessarily the best way to meet your husband. But, it is not outside the realm of possibilities for God to send him to your front door. Do the things you love. Be involved in the areas you are passionate about. Go on adventures. Serve the least of these. Don't put your life on hold waiting on him to show up. Don't be waiting for him to ring the doorbell, meet him on the front porch.

I will continue to serve whether or not I have a husband by my side, or a baby on my hip. I will strive to honor Jesus, even when it is difficult. And I will seek to find contentment in whatever state I am in, because of Jesus.

I hope you know my heart was not to be hurtful, but to really just share where I was coming from.

Love, M

You can read her full blog post here

Loving an orphaned girl in Cochabamba, Bolivia.