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Saturday, November 10, 2012

distant and honest

Wednesday nights I sit around a table with a few freshmen girls. I love our time together. It is one of the highlights of my week. We open the Word together, we have laughed, we have cried, and we tell stories.
Most of the girls in my group are church kids. They have grown up in church, and their beliefs are the same as their parents. They know the right answers, how to act, and what not to say. I have been trying to challenge them to be real, genuine, and honest.
This past Wednesday we were talking about Jesus is to us personally. On our papers there was a list of words to circle. Friend, Lord, Savior, Forgiver, Healer, Distant, Judge, Absent, Uncaring, Unreachable, Guider, Father, Protector, Not Real, Life. I asked the girls if anyone wanted to share what they circled. One girl told me they all had circled the good things, no one had circled the bad things like distant or absent. They all agreed. They gave me the "right" answer.
So, I showed them my paper. Along with circling friend, healer, life, etc, I circled distant. It was honest. In this season of life, Jesus feels distant.
They were shocked. One girls asked how someone so godly and spiritual as me could feel that way.
I think in the church world, we don't know how to be honest anymore. We don't want someone to know we are broken, we are hurting, we are angry with God, we struggle reading the Bible, or that He feels distant. Everything is fine, always. We put on the face of a perfect Christian, and we forget that there is no such thing. We are all people. We mess up, we get hurt, we are broken. The only thing that makes us a Christian is that we have Jesus. Being a Christian does not mean life is in order.
Being honest means having an incredible support system. I have been so blessed by people, prayers, and texts this past week. Being honest means having accountability. As much as I hate the vulnerability of everyone knowing I feel broken, I have loved people praying for me. I love people knowing that I do not have everything together. I'm just a real girl, with real problems, and a real Savior.
So, I press on. Life is messy, but God is in control. My heart is broken, but He is healer. My emotions are everywhere, but He is constant, always. Life is ugly, but He is good.
Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
James 4:8a Come near to God and he will come near to you.
I know He may feel distant in this moment, but He's there.
Love, M

1 comment:

  1. This is so right on target, Michelle. Good for you in being honest and vulnerable. You are right that it is missing in so many of our church circles - and it is so needed.