Do your eyes ever burn from crying so much? Do you have emotionally draining weeks? Do you weep when you are rejoicing, and sob when you are heartbroken? Does something funny make you cry? Do you sit in silence for hours reflecting? Do you get so many goose bumps from what God is doing, that you need a blanket? Do you feel like at any second you could fall apart?
The blog I had planned on writing this morning was a much different tone. I had planned on going to the jungle today. There are blockades again, and some transportation went on strike. So plans changed, and I stayed home. I was a nice, reflective day.
This week I have been begging God for two big things. 1. He would give me a week full of opportunities, so I can be the hands and feet of Jesus to many more people before I leave. 2. My heart to be broken, to see people the way Jesus does, and love them with His love.
Well, He granted me those requests. I have seen more brokenness and destitution the past few days than in my previous five weeks here. I am naturally a bit emotional, but I have wept numerous times this week. I feel like I used all my tears up for a long time.
This isn't a depressing blog. I promise.
I have wept with joy when hearing of a miracle of my friend's adoption. I have sobbed quietly as I prayed for a homeless women, as she trusts in my Jesus to take care of her. Big tears have rolled down my cheeks as I read God's word, and am reminded that it is real, alive, powerful, and personal. I have sniffled when a woman speaks truth into my life and encourages me, as I share my dreams and passions. I blubber when the Holy Spirit stirs in my heart to give to a baby's surgery. I cry when I realize without a shadow of a doubt that my calling for the next season of life is home. I smile and tears overflow knowing I get to see my daddy in just a few days.
I also have cried myself to sleep thinking about Claudia on the streets, due to have her baby within days. I have choked back tears while holding an orphan, who called me momma. I weep openly knowing I am leaving the city and people i love so much in less than a week. I cried like a baby today while reading an incredible blog. (www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com) Silent tears have soaked my shirt when I realize I can't take my babies home. My heart breaks for the kids on the streets. I sit in the corner and talk to God and I weep.
I am coming back to my home changed, I hope. I don't want to wear blinders, and ignore the pain in this world any longer. I know hope, peace, true love, freedom, rest. His name is JESUS. I want to share Him with the world. I want to bring him to broken people in Detroit.
I am excited to come home. I know my God is doing something in metro Detroit. I can't wait to be apart of it.
A wonderful woman who has a home with 31 girls, and has been a missionary to Cochabamba for 17 years had me over yesterday. I was able to share my story, dreams, fears, and passions. She shared the same with me. I told her how frustrated I am coming home now. There is so much to do here, I want to be here, I love it here......... She reminded me of a story.
God gave Joseph a dream about his future. It didn't come to pass for years and years. Joseph went through many trials and obstacles before he got to where he was meant to be. But the whole time "the Lord was with Joseph" (Genesis 39:2)
God's timing is always perfect. He is deliberate. He sometimes takes us somewhere to develop our passion, and somewhere else to train us, and then another place to use that. Wherever He takes you, He equips.
It is storming very hard right now. The wind is slamming windows and doors shut all over the house. The thunder and lightning are fierce. I am glad i remembered to take the clothes off the line. So grateful for dry clothes. i think thunderstorms might be more intense here than home.
Be praying for the health of my roommates, Kathryn, Devon, and Jonathan.
Also be praying for my last few days here. Only six days left. And be praying for my transition back to the USA. There are still uncertainties at home. But I can't wait. My God is going before me. He is making the path smooth. He is working upstream.
I can't wait to share more. BIG things in the works. I know it.