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Thursday, March 1, 2012

be still

If you know me, you would know that I am always on the move. I thrive on being busy. I go, go, go, go, until I can't go anymore. I schedule things back to back, just to squeeze as many things in a day as possible. That is my life. Well, that was my life.

I have been sick all week. As in, I haven't left the house since Sunday afternoon. It is Thursday night. I am losing my mind. I didn't come to Bolivia to sit in bed. I came to serve. I want to serve. I was fine for my first week and a half. I know what life is like in the city. I have seen the brokenness, the pain, and the darkness. I want to be a light, I want to love, I want to share Jesus. I want to hand bread out to the homeless. I want to whisper in an orphan's ear how beautiful they are. I want to hold gauze while a street kid gets stitched up. I want to hold a malnourished baby and pray over them. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I want to go. I want to do.

Last week, I woke up with an upset stomach. Everything I ate went right through me. I couldn't eat anything. Not the most fun thing ever. I was sick one day, fine the next, sick the next day, and then sick for days. I hated it. There were suspions that I had parasites. So, my house mate took a sample into the lab, and we discovered I had a nasty bacterial infection.

So, I started taking an antibiotic. It cleared up the issue quickly. But, in return, it gave me severe dizziness and nausea. The dizziness has been so bad that if I move my eyes too fast, I feel like my world will crumble. The nausea is so bad, I gag eating a banana, or taking pills. This is not what I signed up for. The side effects of the pills was worse in my mind than the original upset stomach.

So, I haven't done much. Sleeping is a nightmare. Every toss or turn makes the dizzyness and nausea worse. I have been miserable. I just want to get out of bed and serve. I did not come to Bolivia to lay in bed.

This morning was the hardest. The three of us living at the guest house do a time of devotion and prayer together. We watched a video about how "Daddy has a plan." Our Heavenly Father has a plan. We just need to trust him. We read verses that proved this. He is holding me in the palm of his hand. He has a plan for me.

But still my humanity cried out. Why am I sick? Why can't I serve? I feel useless. I haven't done anything. I am a hinderance to the team. What is the point of being in Bolivia, if all I do is sit in bed? I feel lazy. I feel pointless. I was angry. I was exhausted.

I sobbed to my friend this morning. She held me, and reminded me "Daddy has a plan". There is probably a lesson to be learned in this. But, He's got me.

We found out there is a mediciene to help combat dizzyness and nausea. She went to the pharmacy to pick it up. I took it, and napped. She woke me up to check on me, and I still felt awful. She ended up getting me soup and bringing it home. I slept some more.

All day long I slept, and reminded myself "Daddy has a plan". I became angry at God a few times. I am good at serving. I am not good at sitting.

And then, my 'aha' moment came.

Luke 10:38-42

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

One thing is necessary. Sit at the feet of Jesus. Listen to His words. Rejoice in who He is. Give glory to His name. Soak up His teaching.

Serving is good. But sitting is better.

Psalm 46:10

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

So, I am know there is much work to be done out there. But I am going to try to just sit at the feet of Jesus. Read His word. Worship who He is. And relax, knowing, "Daddy has a plan."

I really want to be well enough to serve tomorrow. There are a lot of opportunites to be involved with.

Please join me in prayer for restful sleep, a sound stomach, dizziness to be gone, any weakness to be filled with strength, any lingering infection or side effects to be done. In Jesus' Name.

I am sorry I haven't been too diligent about blogging much lately. I have so many stories. I hope to share them soon.

Love, M

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