I know that it's mid January, and everyone else has had their trees down for weeks.
I know that my tiny living room will suddenly feel a little bit bigger and a lot more cleaner once that tree is in the closet.
I know that Christmas decorations can't stay up year round.
I know that so many of those ornaments bring up so many mixed emotions, it will be nice to have them tucked away in tissue paper and boxes.
I know all of this to be true.
I couldn't stop crying tonight.
I don't know where I will be next Christmas. The next time I open these boxes, I could be in another apartment, town, state, country, or even continent.
I don't know who will be next to me next Christmas. The last five Christmases I have been alone. I have put up the tree and decorated by myself. I want to have someone by my side to tell the stories of every single ornanment.
I don't know the circumstances of what life will look like when I open these boxes next.
I do know this year is going to be the year full of changes.
I really struggle with change. I wish I was always the girl ready for adventure, excited for new things ahead, and willing to just move on without holding on. But honestly, that's just not me right now.
In a short few weeks, I will be done with my job. I have had the amazing honor of helping raise two of the most incredible children I have ever known. I have spent the last five years loving these babes, as if they were my own. My heart is not ready to let go, but it's almost time.
Please be praying for me as I need peace, and a job for the next season. I currently have no prospects, and am feeling very overwhelmed.
I told one of my dear friends that even though I was feeling a train wreck of emotions, that I was so excited. I know God is going to do something big this year. There isn't another option. There is currently nothing I can see as a solution to my problems. But I will trust and believe that He is working on the unseen. I will trust His perfect timing, even though I would prefer to have already known the plan. I will trust in His perfect provision, knowing He is my Father, and wants to take good care of me.
As I was just writing this, I got a song stuck in my head. I haven't heard it in years, but it's quite applicable.
God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
But, seriously, please be praying. I'm totally freaking out.
Love you all.