I hate to sound like a broken record lately, but that's just the song of the season.
I haven't had a steady paycheck since March. The babes I loved and raised for almost six years are gone. Friends I love dearly have chosen to walk away. The job I planned on starting soon has been delayed. My car is dead dead. That dear sweet man of mine that I've been praying for, just hasn't shown up yet. And in the midst of all of that, I am looking for a new church.
Seriously. Chaos over here.
All week, God had been whispering things to me. I heard over and over, "Girl, I am mighty to save, just trust me." "Girl, I delight in you, just trust me." "Girl, I am with you, you are not alone, just trust me." Over, and over, and over again.
I'm slightly dense, so it took me until the middle of the week to wonder if that was all in a verse somewhere. So I typed in parts of that into google. It sent me to Zephaniah.
Let me be honest, I don't normally find myself in Zephaniah. I can't remember the last time I read from it, or ever heard a pastor preach from it. It's just one of those hard to find, semi forgotten, buried treasures of a book.
So, I read it. And I meditated on it. And I memorized it. And I read it in multiple versions.
"The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy."
"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."
"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."
I sat rested in it all week.
Then yesterday I decided to take the time to write out little cards to stick in the lunch bags we were going to hand out to women on the streets on Tuesday.
I asked God for direction on what to write. Last week I wrote "You are beautiful. You are incredible. You are loved." Short and simple. But I wanted something else for this week.
Zephaniah came to mind. So I wrote it out 15 times to share with these women on the streets.
They need to know that He is a mighty warrior, that He does save, the He does delight in them, and that they are not alone.
So this morning, I woke up. I really didn't know what church I was going to end up at, I just got up and ready. That's the thing, there isn't some master plan in all of this.
All week I had planned on going back to where I visited last week, but when I woke up this morning, I knew that's not where I wanted to be.
I had finally decided on a church, and got ready to leave the house, but couldn't find my keys, and once I found them, I realized in needed to put air in my tire. But by then, I was going to be late, and I didn't want that.
So I started to look up other churches in the area, and what times their services were. And then I realized I was far too late, or far too early.
So I ate breakfast, and decided to figure it out while I ate.
I ended up going to a church that wasn't even on my radar earlier this week. I walked in, felt welcomed, and loved. Oh what a sweet feeling. I found a seat, and we began to worship in song, and it was amazing.
And then the singing paused, and a guy stepped forward, and read a verse.
IT WAS MY VERSE.
THAT VERSE THAT GOD HAD BEEN TELLING ME ALL WEEK.
Y'all. I could not stop crying. Right there, in the middle of service, snot and tears were flowing freely.
Who in the world chooses to just pause worship and read out of a little tiny book? It didn't even go along with the sermon.
It was just for me.
In the midst of complete chaos, He was there with me.
I had no idea where I would be this morning. But He did.
What a reminder that He goes before this girl.
He is in my midst. He is my mighty warrior. He delights in me. He loves me. He rejoices in me. He is worthy of my trust.
The sermon was so good. The pastor taught on how He is YAWEH JIRAH. He is the God that provides.
In this desert of a season, that reminder was water for my thirsty and broken soul.
Oh how beautiful and true are the Words of God.
On my way home, my car attempted to really die.
I've been telling her she needed to make it to 200,000 miles. Today she's at 199,985. Just 15 away, but she is trying to give up the ghost. I'll know more about her situation in the morning, but I've been told for months that it's past her time. So I really think today's the day.
I don't know what this will all really look like. I don't have a job, and I don't have a car, but I do have bills.
I do know that He has gone ahead of me, and whatever this season holds, I don't have to walk it alone.
I'm half terrified, and half excited.
I feel like I'm in a prime position to watch God move. The need is great, and He is the only one capable of doing big things.
So tonight, I'm going to bed full of peace.
The adventure is unknown, but it always has been. And the good news is that I'm not walking it alone.