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Monday, May 2, 2016

what I didn't know about planning a wedding

So. I've been a bridesmaid almost a dozen times. (I think 10 or 11?) And I have helped plan/decorate for/coordinate dozens and dozens of other weddings, while attending countless more. 


So I just assumed that I had a pretty good handle on this whole "being engaged/planning a wedding" deal. 

And in some regards, I was right. 

Because I have been around the wedding world so much over the last decade, I have formed pretty strong opinions on things. I know what I like. 

Before I got engaged, I knew I loved a simple dress, no beading, no sequins, and no tulle. When I went in to my first dress appointement, I told the consultant 3 things, and the dress I purchased has all 3 things. I knew exactly what I wanted.



 
 

But it has also been a huge learning experience as well. 

•Weddings cost money. And I'm the biggest cheapskate. I don't want people to spend buckets of money. I don't want to spend buckets of money. This is something I am working through. Cutting corners where I can, and changing my heart attitude towards gratitude has been HUGE. 

•Just because most bridesmaid dresses cost in the neighborhood of $200 (looking at you, David's Bridal), doesn't mean I'm going to make my girls spend that. I found a simple black maxi dress at Old Navy that I loved. It came in tall, regular, and petite sizes. I also found a coupon code, so my girls only paid $21, with free shipping. You don't have to be bullied by the wedding industry. 

•The wedding is a constantly changing beast. I have learned to be flexible. Just because I wanted one thing doesn't mean it's what is best. (Hello parking fees, tiny parking lots, porta potties, and no rain back up plan) Letting go is okay, and could bring less stress in the long run. 



•But also. I'm the bride. This is my day. So learning to stand up for myself and my special day has been important. And has certainly caused some friction. But I refuse to feel guilty for wanting some things for my wedding. It's my wedding. It's my turn. 

•I didn't realize I would feel SO WEIRD all of the time. I have ALWAYS been the bridesmaid. My opinion has never really mattered. And all of the sudden, the focus is on me. I'm being asked what linens I prefer. It's soooo bizarre. And I just can't get over that it's actually my turn. 

•Honest talk. 95% of all our fights are about the wedding. Bless Steve's heart. That man is a saint. And I'm borderline Bridezilla some nights. Weddings are stressful. Normally the bride and groom have different opinions. But because we are so vastly different culturely and style wise, (Hello Baghdad, Iraq. Meet The City of the Village of Clarkston, MI, USA.) it has only fanned the flame of wedding stress. 

•Learning to fight fair has been HUGE. Learning my triggers, calmly talking things out, and being prepared to make a compromise has been life giving. Steve has really been amazing as we work through wedding expectations. I am learning to be amazing. It's hard work some days. 

•I have or will offend most people I know. And I hate every second of it. Because I do live my life so openly, and so publicly, it complicates things a bit. I love people. Wherever I go, I make friends. But I cannot invite 2,000 of my closest friends to the wedding. And I can't have 25 bridesmaids. Scaling back a bit (a lot) has been soooo hard. 

•Every time I cut the guest list, I cry. This is probably the worst part of planning a wedding. Argh. The worst. 

•My sister is amazing. She is soooo good at managing all of the details, and she thinks of everything. She has been my saving grace in all of this. I am so thankful for her. 

•It's wayyyyyyy more fun than I expected. It's really my turn. I really get to put on that beautiful white dress, with flowers in my hair, and get married to my Prince Charming. For the love. It's the best. 

•Pinterest is my best frenemy. I have gathered sooo many ideas, but I also sleep a lot less now too. 

•Wedding nightmares are a real thing. And I hate them. Spilling a pot of pasta sauce down my dress two minutes before walking down the aisle is a reaccuring one. I don't even know man. 

•People want to celebrate us. And it's wicked cool. 

•Registering for gifts is potentially one of the most fun parts of being engaged. Stores no longer give you a scanning gun. There is now an app for that. Which may make it a bit more dangerous. I think within 4 days last week, I went to Target 7 times. It's like fun shopping, without spending a penny. It was really fun to go with Steve. We learned so much about each other, our styles, what is important to each of us, and the way we compromise. My favorite thing on the registry is the Pioneer Woman floral dishes at Walmart. I have wanted them for almost a year. Steve really wants a nice tv from Target. #priorities #putitontheregistry





•I put Oreos on the registry, because I'm certain at some point, I'm going to need a snack. #idowhatiwant #allthesnacks

•Real talk. That whole "this is the man I love, and we're getting married" junk realllllllllly gets those hormones flying. We really limit our time alone alone, especially at night. There's so much to say here. But I don't want to be weird. I'll save that for a different post. But seriously. It's a thing. And we just want to honor Jesus. Which feels almost impossible some times. So I'm thankful that we live an hour away from each other. #letsgetmarried #letshavebabies 

•Starting a new job in the midst of being newly engaged and wedding planning has been interesting. I can't believe every piece has fallen into place. Dream job and dream man. It's incredible. But there's been a couple moments of being completely overwhelmed. Trying to divide time wisely isn't my strong suit. 

•I have been struggling to eat right and to exercise consistently. Last year I completed a half marathon. And I'm supposed to be training for my second right now. But.... #wahwah I don't know what my deal is. Maybe being busier? Maybe being happy and content? Maybe tired? I don't know. But I need SERIOUS motivation. 

•SELF CARE. SELF CARE. If I'm not taking time for myself, I'm useless to everyone else. So I have implemented phone free hours in my day. I take weekly bubble baths. I wander Target alone. I drive in rush hour, singing along to Taylor Swift, with full dance moves. I read books for fun. I try to sleep enough. Because I want to be the best version of me. And sometimes that means powering down for an hour to recharge. And that's okay. And I'm glad I'm learning that. 

•Wedding life can easily take over real life, if I'm not careful. Constantly looking at our registries, looking up outfit ideas for engagement pictures (seriously. What do we wear?!), trying to find a good deal on a honeymoon, searching for the right black skinny tie for the groomsmen, calculating every cost "in theory", reading wedding blogs until 1am, among a thousand other things can easily replace quality time with Jesus and Steve. I don't just want to plan for a wedding, I want to plan for a marriage. But it's so easy to get caught up in all the fun details. 

•We heard a statistic that 80% (or something close to that) of couples that go through premarital counseling have happy and successful marriages. So naturally, we're doing double the premarital counseling. Because I want to go into marriage with eyes wide open. and I want us to be happy and successful. I've never done this before. Neither has Steve. And we want to do it well, with Jesus at the center. So we're doubling it up. 

•In theory I should've booked everything last year. But I didn't even know Steve last year. So that's been pretty funny to tell people in the wedding industry. (also, we're waiting til we're married to have sex, we aren't having alcohol at the wedding, we want the first thing we do as a married couple is to worship Jesus, I want to be barefoot, etc...) I know I'm not the average bride. And I probably get too much joy out of seeing the facial expressions as I say all of that to people. 

•People have loud opinions about everything. And that's okay. But at the end of the day (and at the beginning) it's our lives. He's taking my last name, I want to eat fried chicken at our wedding, and I have 13 bridesmaids. It's all good. It's my turn. 

•He is moving in with me after the wedding. And it has brought up a lot of feelings. Most of them good. (I don't have to take the trash out alone anymore) I have cleared out a closet for him, and lay awake thinking how to rearrange the furniture to best fit two of us. I am excited to play house, for real. And have someone to snuggle up with every night. But it's also bringing up a bit of an inner struggle. I've been stubborn and independent for so many years. A man in my house means letting go of some of that responsibility. Which of course sounds great, but is also just overwhelmingly unfamiliar. Jesus is kind to me, and is helping work that junk out. 

•I really do have an amazing tribe. One if my dear friends is organizing church ladies to bake all of my favorite pies for dessert at the reception. I'm giddy. My family had been incredible. They even tolerated my need for a run through at the new ceremony location. My bridesmaids are always sending me articles and pins. It's a good life. 

•I love this man more and more every day. He really is wonderful. He's every thing I've prayed for. And nothing that I expected. And I am so excited to marry him. 

I'm getting married y'all. 

This is my real life. For the love. 

M. 


 






 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13 comments:

  1. help to save Broken marriage or Broken Relationships!!.I am Natasha Hayes by name and i reside here in London, United Kingdom. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with two kids.A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{Unityspelltemple@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past{7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our marriage was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster Dr Unity. So, i will advice you out there, if you have any problem contact Dr Unity,i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you and you will be the next to share your testimony to every one in the world.!!. Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or call him on +2348072370762 and you can also visit his website for more details: http://unityspelltemple.yolasite.com. thanks to Dr Unity for the love he show to me and family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I URGENTLY NEED MY EX BACK WITH THE HELP OF A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER EMAIL PRIEST WISDOM ON SUPERNATURALSPELL@YAHOO.COM OR WHATSAPP HIM +2348124644470

      Hello, I am Ledan Mini After being in relationship with Anderson for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4 pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem. email: {Supernaturalspell@yahoo.com } or whatsapp him {+2348124644470}
      https://supernaturalspell1.blogspot.com/

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  2. Getting ex boyfriend back after a breakup,I’m extremely happy that will are living together again. Am Maria 21yr from England, my boyfriend of a 4yr just broke up with me and am 30 weeks pregnant.I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again.Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes ,my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time.Generally he is a very nice guy ,he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along.He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot .After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change.I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with.I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe.He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy,he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy.i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity. If you have any problem contact Dr.Unity now and i guarantee you that he will help you.Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app: +2348071622464.

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  3. I want to thank Dr.Agbazara for his job in my family, this is man who left me and the kids for another woman without any good reasons, i was pain and confuse,till one day when i saw Dr.Agbazara contact, then i contacted him and he help me cast a reunion spell that help my situation with 48hours, since I then the situation has changed, everything is moving well, my husband who left me is now back to his family. reach DR.AGBAZARA TEMPLE via email if you have any problem at:
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  4. I lives in uk and i was in a serious relationship with my ex guy for three good years.. One day we were in a dinner party, we had a little misunderstanding which lead to a Quarrel and he stood up and left me at the dinner party. i try to call him but he was not picking my calls so after than i contacted my brother and told him about it,my brother so much love me that he had to see him on my behalf,he told my brother that it is over between us.. Then i contacted a friend of mine that had this similar experience and she directed me to one of the spiritual diviner (DR_MACK@YAHOO.COM).at first i thought it was not going to be possible and i contacted him i was ask to come up with a little requirement,so i did what i was ask to do, after 3 days i was in my office when my ex guy called me and was asking me to forgive him and come back to him. i was very surprise it was like a dream to me

    ReplyDelete
  5. I URGENTLY NEED MY EX BACK WITH THE HELP OF A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER EMAIL PRIEST WISDOM ON SUPERNATURALSPELL@YAHOO.COM OR WHATSAPP HIM +2348124644470

    Hello, I am Ledan Mini After being in relationship with Anderson for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4 pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem. email: {Supernaturalspell@yahoo.com } or whatsapp him {+2348124644470}
    https://supernaturalspell1.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  6. I URGENTLY NEED MY EX BACK WITH THE HELP OF A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER EMAIL PRIEST WISDOM ON SUPERNATURALSPELL@YAHOO.COM OR WHATSAPP HIM +2348124644470

    Hello, I am Ledan Mini After being in relationship with Anderson for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4 pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem. email: {Supernaturalspell@yahoo.com } or whatsapp him {+2348124644470}
    https://supernaturalspell1.blogspot.com/ .................

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  10. I want to inform the public how i was cured of herpes  Virus by a Doctor
    called Dr ishiaku. i visited different hospital but they gave me list of
    drugs like Famvir, Zovirax, and Valtrex which is very expensive to treat
    the symptoms and never cured me. I was browsing through the Internet
    searching for remedy on Herpes and i saw comment of people talking about how Doctor ishiaku cured them. I Was scared because i never believed in the
    Internet but i was convince to give him a try because i was having no hope
    of been cured of herpes so i decided to contact him on his email, i searched
    his email on net and i saw a lot of people testifying about his goodness.
    when i contacted him he gave me hope and send a Herbal medicine to me that
    i took and it seriously worked for me, am a free person now without
    problem, my HERPES result came out negative. You can contact him on his
    Email: ishiakuherbalcure@gmail.com or whatsapp him via +2348180828544
     and get all your problem solved.
    1)Sickness of any kind
    2)Help to CURE Hepatitis B, herpes, HIV/AIDS CANCER and BIPOLAR
    3)Divorce, Breakup problem and To Re-unit
    4)Pregnancy problem
    5)Financial problem and Job promotion
    6)To get a good and rich life partner
    7)To Lose your wrath
    8)to enlargement of penis

    ReplyDelete