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Monday, June 10, 2013

Rethinking why I choose to wait on the Lord

I recently stumbled across a blog that frustrated me.

Without being rude or arguing for the sake of arguing, I want to share why it upset me so much.

The title of this woman's blog was "Re-Thinking Waiting On The Lord For Husbands For Our Daughters".

She begins her post by saying, "We told our girls who have heart’s desire to marry that they should, “Wait on the LORD to bring you a husband. It needs to be the right man, and the right time, God’s time.” And while I agree with that teaching in some ways, in other ways it is creating older daughters who are still unmarried at 32." ... "And I know, sometimes even in our best efforts our daughters may still not marry at an early age."

I believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting on the Lord, and believing in His perfect timing. I also believe there is nothing wrong with being unmarried at 25, 27, 32, or even 37.

She then states, "We can’t fight the enemy at the gates if our kids don’t have a family, and families start with marriage."

In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, Paul talks about single women, and how they can serve more and be more focused on pleasing the Lord, without distractions. Married women have the wonderful gift of serving and taking care of their husbands. One is not better than the other, they are just different.

Because I am single, I am able to travel and love on people in other countries for months at a time, not missing my family. I can share the name of Jesus in downtown Detroit, and not worry that I won't be home in time to fix dinner. I can pour into lives on a weekly basis for hours, loving them, mentoring them, and encouraging them, without a man wanting me home to love and encourage him.

Don't get me wrong, I would absolutely love to have a husband. I dream about my arms being full of curly haired babies. I want to have dinner on the table every night for my family when my man walks in the door. But that isn't my current reality. I am a single girl, sometimes struggling to be content, and in the mean time, serving Jesus and others.

I have seen friends confess Jesus, babies healed, lives transformed, broken families reunited, and people living free, all because of the power of the name of Jesus. That is what will allow us to fight the enemy, and that alone. The battle against the enemy will not be won because people had a lot of babies. Lives will be transformed and the enemy will be defeated because of Jesus.

She goes on to say, "Biologically speaking, this is alarming (age of marriage rising) as we are all well aware that the older a woman gets, the fewer children she will have, and if she waits until she’s 40+ to marry, the chances of her having any children are rare indeed."

Do not be quick to forget who our God is. He is the Great I Am. He is the one who caused a woman in her 90's (Sarah- Genesis 17:17) to give birth to Isaac, the son of promise. He is the one who gave a baby boy to a woman who for years was barren. (Hannah- 1Samuel 1) He is also the Almighty who placed a baby in the womb of a virgin! (Mary- Matthew 1:18)

I have been told I need to 'hurry up" for a couple of years now. I know that my biological clock is beginning to tick, but even more, I know the One who causes it to tick. He alone is the one that opens and closes wombs. If one day He chooses to give me eight babes, or an empty house, He will still be good, and He will still be God. My ultimate goal in life is not to have a home full of children. It is to honor Jesus.

She then finishes up with, "Prayer is essential, yes, but we can’t leave it at that. (We) can’t just sit back and wait for the LORD to supernaturally bring a wonderful young man into the lives of our daughters..."

In her blog she recommends parents trying new churches with their daughters to look for a husband, having people over for cookouts, and encourages parents to find their son-in-law.

I have often wondered what kind of man my parents would pick for me. I'm sure he would be wonderful, and handsome. But as much as my parents love me, they don't know what I truly need. The man they pick could just be a good actor. He may appear to be a man that loves Jesus, or he could just know what to say, and not say. I want the man that God chooses for me. Our God knows the heart, thoughts, and intentions of man. 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”"

Prayer is so important. James 5:16 says, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." I believe God hears our prayers, and honors them, in His timing. His Word says that He works all things together for good for those that love Him, and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) I believe that He is working this out. The Bible also reminds us in a few places not to worry. So I will choose not to worry, and believe that God knows what is best for me.

Our God's very nature is that He is supernatural. Everything He does screams that. Creation is just the beginning of His handiwork. The entire Bible tells of Him making the blind see, calming the storms with His voice, calling down fire from heaven, freeing an entire nation from captivity, and changing water to wine, just to name a few. John 21:25 says, "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written." It is natural to His being to perform miracles, do things that only He can, and bring glory to His name.

I am learning that waiting is not a passive thing. Sitting at home and knitting is not necessarily the best way to meet your husband. But, it is not outside the realm of possibilities for God to send him to your front door. Do the things you love. Be involved in the areas you are passionate about. Go on adventures. Serve the least of these. Don't put your life on hold waiting on him to show up. Don't be waiting for him to ring the doorbell, meet him on the front porch.

I will continue to serve whether or not I have a husband by my side, or a baby on my hip. I will strive to honor Jesus, even when it is difficult. And I will seek to find contentment in whatever state I am in, because of Jesus.

I hope you know my heart was not to be hurtful, but to really just share where I was coming from.

Love, M

You can read her full blog post here

Loving an orphaned girl in Cochabamba, Bolivia.


  1. Has Angie told you about Nesto showing up at her/our front door? If not, you should ask her about it. As I recall, it was while she was "stuck at home" after not being able to go on her long anticipated mission journey to the other side of the world because of post-9-11 travel changes.

    1. Isn't our God awesome like that?!? So glad God gave her Nesto at her front door, all those years ago. We are truly so blessed to have them in our lives.

  2. I love your counterpoints but I do think that the original blog post has some valid points.

    I do think that we as Christians are waiting to long to get married. We are so focused on making money and finishing school and then getting life started that we are waiting to long to have babies, and because of that we are not having as many, and we are starting to eliminate grandparents. It is simple math, if someone waits until they are in their 40s to have a baby, and then their children wait until they are in their 40s, that puts Grandma and Grandpa at or over 80. For some 80 is not old for others that is to late. Also the longer we wait to have babies the harder it can become for some, and while God is in ultimate control, going through fertility treatments is no walk in the park, and it is very expensive. So that goes back to "having life together", and some will wait even longer to get funds to even try for a baby.

    As for waiting on "the one", while I agree that you should not just marry anyone. I do agree that you have to be putting yourself out there. Proverbs 18:22 says, He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. Meaning that you have to be found. I don't doubt that God can put a person on your door step, but that is not a common occurrence. You have to be putting your self out in the world. I loved what you said about going about your life, and I think that is so important!

    I also think that there is nothing wrong with not getting married. 1 Corinthians 7:28b says, But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. It is true that when you marry, the priorities in your life change. You are right on about the differences between being married and being single and what you are able to accomplish. You can spend more time advancing the Kingdom if you do not have a husband and children who need care and support.

    Thank you for your blogs! I love to hear your thoughts!

    1. Thank you for commenting. I agree that Christian women are often waiting longer to be married, and therefore are starting families later. Though, I do not believe it is by choice. Many wonderful, Christian women, that I know personally, would love to settle down, but there aren't any men. Sure, there are plenty of average men, and even handfuls of good men, but good, mature, godly men, who truly love Jesus are a rare find. I don't believe this group of single, Christian women are focused on money, power, or obtaining degrees. I think they are making the most out of their waiting by working great jobs, going back to school, and enjoying a busy life, while being patient, content, and not settling.

      I do not believe the focus of a girl's heart should be on being found. Just living our lives, and honoring Jesus is the best thing we can do. I serve and am involved in 2 churches, I am active in my community, I frequent coffee shops, and I have a busy social life, while working 40-50 hours a week.

      My goal is not to be putting myself out there. My goal is to just live my life. When I do meet him, I'm sure he will be delighted that I didn't waste years of pining for a man. I also don't think there is anything wrong with being home. I love when my schedule opens up, and I can be free to sit at home, alone. The biggest problem I have with the 'you need to be putting yourself out there to be found' mentality is that it is accompanied with pressure. I don't want to be pressured into looking for a man at church, sometimes I just want to worship in the back.

      I agree that there is nothing wrong with being married, or not being married. Paul is clear on that. We are called to be content in every state, and in everything we do or say, do it unto the Lord.

      Thanks for reading!

  3. Haven't finished reading yet, but I am just so excited that you are writing your response. YES!: your single life is of GREAT value to the Lord and His work! I am sometimes jealous because I don't have opportunities like that and I am stoked that you are appreciating them to the glory of God!!!
    I got married at 22 (totally God's timing) and now have 6 kids after 8 years of marriage. I value marriage and having kids, in general, but the intent and reason WHY one gets married and has kids or stays single - the purpose of one's day-to-day - is SO much more important! Can't we be content and aim to glorify God before anything else, no matter our marital status? Can't we trust God?

  4. Dear Michelle,
    I am also a Christian woman (I'm only 19) who really struggles with the idea of waiting on God. I actually have asked out boys my age recently. It seems the only guys who will ask me out are older guys (in their 30s and 40s). I am not interested in older men for marriage simply because if I have a big family an older guy may not be as interested or not have the energy required to play with his kids. Also, being with someone I perceive to be my dad's age seems inappropriate. I don't have parents that have the same faith as me so they don't believe in biblical courtship. I don't belong to any church. In theory I would like to marry, but I know deep down in my heart that it would be better for me to live single (as a virgin) and skip marriage. I feel called to the single life. I think both choices are equal but on the blog you referenced it does sound like the woman isn't even open to the idea that lifelong singleness may be the plan for some of these girls.

    Please let me know your thoughts on those who choose to remain single for the kingdom.
    God Bless.