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Thursday, December 17, 2015

This season. Oh so often my thoughts start with that phrase. This season has been unexpected. This season has been long. This season has produced so much growth and change in me. This season has taught me so much. This season has been so very hard, but it also has been so very good. 

I haven't had a "real job" or a consistent paycheck in nine months. So many things have fallen through. So many things have brought false hope. So many things were just empty promises. So for the past nine months, I babysit/ housesit/ dogsit/ catsit/ fishsit/ elderly sit, and I wait. I trust that there is a plan bigger and better than I could ever imagine, and I wait. 

The biggest thing I have learned about waiting, is that it's not boring or stagnant. It isn't passive or uneventful. This season has been my busiest and most fulfilling one yet. 

I have learned that while I may not have extra money to support causes and bless friends, I do have other things. I have a crazy amount of time to give, to share, to just be with, to listen, and to love. I have a voice that is gaining strength. I can be an advocate, I can encourage, I can bring awareness to big issues, I can educate, and I can share my story. 

I have learned a lot about dreams, passions, and experiences. I have always had a heart for women that are broken. But instead of *just* praying or sending money to an organization, this season has allowed me to be on the front lines of broken and hurting women. 

I encounter prostitutes and homeless women every week. I hold their hands, look into their eyes, and see oceans of pain. This fall I helped deliver the baby of a homeless friend, because she had no one else to call. I have been training to counsel women in crisis pregnancies to know a real, live Hope. I take phone calls almost daily of friends that are crying, and are so tired of how hard this life is. I wear a dress every day to raise money and awareness for the issue and victims of human trafficking. I sit and listen to the stories of lonely women that just want someone to show up and care. I snuggle scared little girls and whisper words of whimsy as they fall asleep. 

I carry them all in my heart, and I carry them all to my Jesus. 

This season of nothing going my way has produced so much goodness. It has been so far from my expectations or plan, but it has allowed for me to know my Jesus in ways I never have before (come over, I'll make coffee, and share story after story of His goodness and provision). It has allowed me to develop my voice and strengthen my story. It has given me a more open schedule to share life with real, broken people, and love them well. It has challenged me to figure out what is important, and run hard after that. It has brought much needed rest and restoration to my life after a long season of raising babies. It has been so very hard, but also so very good. 

No matter the season you are in, you can grow, you can learn, you can make a difference. You can do small things with great love, even in the seasons filled with unknown and waiting. Don't waste your life. 

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