How often do we feel hopeless?
Hopeless marriages, hopeless parenting, hopeless single life, hopeless job,
hopeless situatutions, hopeless healthy living, hopeless in school, hopeless
money problems, etc. It can be easy to feel weighed down with hopelessness.
We feel like nothing is changing. There must not be a plan. Life is full of
uncertainities. We can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and we doubt
that it even exists. We are confused with the way things are playing out,
frustrated that it isn't the way we had planned. All of this pain, hurt, and
struggle could never bring about anything good. We have no hope.
THOSE ARE LIES.
The enemy wants you to be distracted, distraught, and defeated. He rejoices
in your confusion, struggle, and pain. He dances when we feel helpless and
hopeless. He is after us to steal our joy, kill our passion, and destroy our
purpose.
The good news is, we don't have to live there. The enemy does not have to
have the victory. He can be defeated. We do have hope.
We are blessed to be able to look back. We can see the beginning, the middle,
and the end of the Easter story. We look unto Easter with full knowledge of the
events, beacuse it has already happened.
But, think about then. The day between His death and His ressurection must
have been dark. The Saviour of the world was dead, He was buried, and all hope
was gone. His family, His disciples, and His followers were probably all
confused. They may have felt like they wasted their time with Jesus. There was
no change to happen, life would stay the way it always had been. They were
hopeless, swarmed with uncertainities, and filled with doubt. The awful pain of
His death would've been all in vain. Nothing made sense.
EXCEPT
God had a plan. He defeated sin, death, hell, the grave, and the enemy, so we
can have hope. Not a distant hope that doesn't change anything, but a real,
lively hope. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope
by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead (1 Peter 1:3)
God's Word brings us the full, beautiful picture of what Jesus did for us, in
love, so we can have hope. For everything that was written in the past
was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures
and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.(Romans 15:4)
So, when your situation feels dark, and you are without hope, remember, God
has a plan. He was sovereign when Jesus was in the grave, and He is still
sovereign in your life, today. He is not taken by surprise when something
alarming occurs. He is in control. He has a plan. He is working things out for
good for those that love Him. He is with you. for the Lord your God goes
with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6b)
There is no need to fear the uncertainty. So do not fear, for I
am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and
help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.(Isaiah
41:10)
Jesus is our hope. Without His rising again, and conquering death, sin, hell,
and the enemy, we would be hopeless. But, He did. He gave us hope.
So celebrate today. We can remember that the day before He arose, He was
fighting for us, to bring us real hope.
Happy Easter.
Celebrate who He is, and what He did for you.
Love, M
Showing posts with label uncertainty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label uncertainty. Show all posts
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Surprise Surgery and His Sovereignty
Monday night I came home to find my roommate on the couch watching tv. She told me she didn't feel great, and was skipping our late night roomie chat and tv show. She said something just felt off in her body. She went to bed early, and I spent time in my room reading before bed.
Tuesday morning I was up at 5, like normal. My normal routine was in motion, until I noticed the kitchen light was on. My roommate stumbled out of her room looking rough. She told me she hadn't really slept through the night, and wasn't feeling well. She assumed it was a kidney infection. I reminded her to go to the doctor and keep me posted. I then left the house by 5:50am.
Around 8:30am she called me and told me she was really sick to her stomach and in pain. I got off the phone and got online, looking for clinics that were cheap, since she doesn't have insurance.
We then texted back and forth all day. She kept me updated with snippets of phrases in the midst of pain.
I didn't realize how badly she felt until later.
She took an ambulance to the hospital and spent the day in the emergency room.
They had found a large mass on her ovary during an ultra sound. They scheduled surgery for that night.
Uncertainty.
She asked me to call her mom and explain what was going on.
Her family and friends all live on the other side of the state, a few hours away. She doesn't really know anyone here, except for me. I am her person.
I arrived at the hospital a bit after 7:30 pm, thinking I would not be able to see her before surgery.
I was able to see her in the pre-op area for a while. I prayed with her. Peace flooded over both of us.
He is sovereign. He is faithful. He is good regardless of the outcome. He is in control. He is not surprised by this. He is loving. He is healer. He is provider. He is peace.
I was able to meet the whole surgical team, and ask questions. That in itself was a blessing. I am not family, and yet they shared exactly what was going on.
She went back to the or, and I went to the waiting area. I updated my Facebook, and began praying.
If you know me well, you would testify to the fact that I am not always calm. I am often an emotional wreck.
Every day since being back from Bolivia I have cried and cried, longing to be there. I have cried, being overwhelmed at the grocery store, missing my babies, seeing a sweet commercial....I am a mess.
But.
God held me together. I was a pillar of strength. It was not my own. I was calm. I did not shed one tear. I did not throw up. I did not sit in a corner and grow grey hair. He held me together.
I trusted God. I was filled with Him. The prayers of my dear friends and family overwhelmed me as I remembered and reflected on who He is, and how He is always faithful.
My roommate's mom had driven a few hours and arrived at the hospital while she was still in surgery.
We got coffee and went back to waiting. I began to share bits of pieces of my story in Bolivia. I shared His faithfulness. I reminded us of who He is. We were filled with peace that is not from this world. We huddled together on a chair and praised our Jesus and begged for healing.
While we were praying, the doctors came out to talk with us. They took us to a back room, and closed the door. We then listened to the surgeon explain that the mass was a very large cyst. It had grown and filled very fast and the weight and position of it has twisted her right falopian tube, and cut off the blood supply to her right ovary. They had drained the cyst, and are fairly confident it was benign.
She was going to be okay. She was waking up in recovery. We would be able to see her soon.
The surgery may make it more difficult to get pregnant one day. But I am reminded of a God that opened the womb of a woman in her 90's, caused a barren woman to have a son, and a virgin to carry a baby.
Our God is greater, and He is able.
I helped her and her mom get settled into her hospital room and ready for bed.
She came home yesterday, and has been camped out on the couch watching movies. Please be praying for her as she continues to recover.
We know God is sovereign. We know He is aware of timing. We praise Him for that. If this would've happened 3 weeks prior, I would've still been in Bolivia. She would've had no one with her. If it would've happened three weeks later, she would've been in Puerto Rico doing missions work. We are so blessed I was here, and she was able to go to a wonderful hospital.
She is going to Puerto Rico for four months this summer to work at a camp for kids and to share Jesus.
I am asking you to pray for God to be two things to her. Provider and Healer.
She doesn't have insurance. She is done with her job since she is on bed rest and leaving in a week. She will soon have many medical bills stacking up. She rode an ambulance, spent the day in the er, had emergency surgery, and stayed the night in the the hospital. None of which will be cheap. We are praying for God to move mountains and provide for her medical expenses.
We are also praying for God to do big things in support for her mission trip. She is not fully funded, and is set to leave May 1st. I keep reminding her that He is faithful. He called her, so He will provide. It was a roller coaster raising funds for Bolivia. But the most incredible faith building thing I have ever done. I love watching Him unravel His plan little bit by little bit as we trust Him.
Please pray for healing. She is beginning to move off the couch and get up by herself. She has a follow up appointment early next week. The doctors have said she is cleared to go to Puerto Rico, as long as everything looks good. She is tired and in need of rest. Her body is sore from surgery and medicines. Please join me in prayer for rest, healing, and energy.
She has much to do in the next few days. I know God will show Himself to be faithful. He always does.
I know this was a long blog. But I just had to share. He is good when life feels so uncertain. He is sovereign in the confusion. He is peace. He is in control.
I look forward to sharing more as it all unfolds. I know she will have great stories. I can't wait to hear them.
Love you all. M.
Tuesday morning I was up at 5, like normal. My normal routine was in motion, until I noticed the kitchen light was on. My roommate stumbled out of her room looking rough. She told me she hadn't really slept through the night, and wasn't feeling well. She assumed it was a kidney infection. I reminded her to go to the doctor and keep me posted. I then left the house by 5:50am.
Around 8:30am she called me and told me she was really sick to her stomach and in pain. I got off the phone and got online, looking for clinics that were cheap, since she doesn't have insurance.
We then texted back and forth all day. She kept me updated with snippets of phrases in the midst of pain.
I didn't realize how badly she felt until later.
She took an ambulance to the hospital and spent the day in the emergency room.
They had found a large mass on her ovary during an ultra sound. They scheduled surgery for that night.
Uncertainty.
She asked me to call her mom and explain what was going on.
Her family and friends all live on the other side of the state, a few hours away. She doesn't really know anyone here, except for me. I am her person.
I arrived at the hospital a bit after 7:30 pm, thinking I would not be able to see her before surgery.
I was able to see her in the pre-op area for a while. I prayed with her. Peace flooded over both of us.
He is sovereign. He is faithful. He is good regardless of the outcome. He is in control. He is not surprised by this. He is loving. He is healer. He is provider. He is peace.
I was able to meet the whole surgical team, and ask questions. That in itself was a blessing. I am not family, and yet they shared exactly what was going on.
She went back to the or, and I went to the waiting area. I updated my Facebook, and began praying.
If you know me well, you would testify to the fact that I am not always calm. I am often an emotional wreck.
Every day since being back from Bolivia I have cried and cried, longing to be there. I have cried, being overwhelmed at the grocery store, missing my babies, seeing a sweet commercial....I am a mess.
But.
God held me together. I was a pillar of strength. It was not my own. I was calm. I did not shed one tear. I did not throw up. I did not sit in a corner and grow grey hair. He held me together.
I trusted God. I was filled with Him. The prayers of my dear friends and family overwhelmed me as I remembered and reflected on who He is, and how He is always faithful.
My roommate's mom had driven a few hours and arrived at the hospital while she was still in surgery.
We got coffee and went back to waiting. I began to share bits of pieces of my story in Bolivia. I shared His faithfulness. I reminded us of who He is. We were filled with peace that is not from this world. We huddled together on a chair and praised our Jesus and begged for healing.
While we were praying, the doctors came out to talk with us. They took us to a back room, and closed the door. We then listened to the surgeon explain that the mass was a very large cyst. It had grown and filled very fast and the weight and position of it has twisted her right falopian tube, and cut off the blood supply to her right ovary. They had drained the cyst, and are fairly confident it was benign.
She was going to be okay. She was waking up in recovery. We would be able to see her soon.
The surgery may make it more difficult to get pregnant one day. But I am reminded of a God that opened the womb of a woman in her 90's, caused a barren woman to have a son, and a virgin to carry a baby.
Our God is greater, and He is able.
I helped her and her mom get settled into her hospital room and ready for bed.
She came home yesterday, and has been camped out on the couch watching movies. Please be praying for her as she continues to recover.
We know God is sovereign. We know He is aware of timing. We praise Him for that. If this would've happened 3 weeks prior, I would've still been in Bolivia. She would've had no one with her. If it would've happened three weeks later, she would've been in Puerto Rico doing missions work. We are so blessed I was here, and she was able to go to a wonderful hospital.
She is going to Puerto Rico for four months this summer to work at a camp for kids and to share Jesus.
I am asking you to pray for God to be two things to her. Provider and Healer.
She doesn't have insurance. She is done with her job since she is on bed rest and leaving in a week. She will soon have many medical bills stacking up. She rode an ambulance, spent the day in the er, had emergency surgery, and stayed the night in the the hospital. None of which will be cheap. We are praying for God to move mountains and provide for her medical expenses.
We are also praying for God to do big things in support for her mission trip. She is not fully funded, and is set to leave May 1st. I keep reminding her that He is faithful. He called her, so He will provide. It was a roller coaster raising funds for Bolivia. But the most incredible faith building thing I have ever done. I love watching Him unravel His plan little bit by little bit as we trust Him.
Please pray for healing. She is beginning to move off the couch and get up by herself. She has a follow up appointment early next week. The doctors have said she is cleared to go to Puerto Rico, as long as everything looks good. She is tired and in need of rest. Her body is sore from surgery and medicines. Please join me in prayer for rest, healing, and energy.
She has much to do in the next few days. I know God will show Himself to be faithful. He always does.
I know this was a long blog. But I just had to share. He is good when life feels so uncertain. He is sovereign in the confusion. He is peace. He is in control.
I look forward to sharing more as it all unfolds. I know she will have great stories. I can't wait to hear them.
Love you all. M.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
i don't understand.
Today was a hard day. By far the hardest I have had in Bolivia.
I received an email telling of a devastating family tragedy.
Please be praying for my family in this time.
As I have had some time to begin to process the best I possibly can, I have realized some things to be true.
-God is still God.
-My Jesus is real.
-When life or death doesn't make sense, He does.
-He conquered the grave.
-He is sovereign.
-"Daddy" has a plan.
-He is close to the brokenhearted.
It was emotionally draining seeing my street kids for the last time today. When I walked into the plaza, some girls shouted "Senorita Meechelle esta aqui!!!" They remembered my name, and were excited to see me. Thank you Jesus for little smiles in the midst of tragedy.
I am exhausted. I am spent. I am broken. I am nothing. I need Jesus to be all that He says He is. I need to rest in His arms tonight.
Please be praying for my family and our broken hearts. Please be praying for me as I only have 4.5 days left here. Be praying for strength to be His hands and feet. Be praying for my transition back home.
Love you, M
I received an email telling of a devastating family tragedy.
Please be praying for my family in this time.
As I have had some time to begin to process the best I possibly can, I have realized some things to be true.
-God is still God.
-My Jesus is real.
-When life or death doesn't make sense, He does.
-He conquered the grave.
-He is sovereign.
-"Daddy" has a plan.
-He is close to the brokenhearted.
It was emotionally draining seeing my street kids for the last time today. When I walked into the plaza, some girls shouted "Senorita Meechelle esta aqui!!!" They remembered my name, and were excited to see me. Thank you Jesus for little smiles in the midst of tragedy.
I am exhausted. I am spent. I am broken. I am nothing. I need Jesus to be all that He says He is. I need to rest in His arms tonight.
Please be praying for my family and our broken hearts. Please be praying for me as I only have 4.5 days left here. Be praying for strength to be His hands and feet. Be praying for my transition back home.
Love you, M
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Life is Uncertain. God is Not.
Yesterday was my half way point in Bolivia. I left Detroit 22 days before, and will be back home in 22 days. Half way. That means every day is just another day closer to home, to leaving the beloved people and place of Bolivia.
Last night I was blessed to skype with three of my dearest friends. I met my one friend´s brand new baby boy. He is the most perfect baby. I am already in love.
I loved seeing my friends. But the reality that I´m not here forever started to sink in. I know that may sound strange, but I can´t picture my life back home. It´s so different than what I´m living here. There are certainly things I really miss from home. (My two best friends kiddos, Olive Garden soup, breadsticks, and beliini iced tea, my bed, my family, a shamrock shake, being barefoot, etc) But I am not quite ready to be back.
After talking to my friends, I went to bed. I sat up in bed, and started freaking out. The uncertainity of coming home was overwhelming. So, please join me in praying for a few things.
1. I am almost positive I want to move this spring or summer. My friends, family, church, ministry, places I babysit, everything is 25+ minutes away from where I live now. I have no idea what this means exactly. I have looked at a couple houses to rent before coming to Bolivia, and everything kept falling through with roommates, etc. I know I want to be in Clarkston. Please be praying for mountains to be moved with that situation. There are so many uncertainities. But being away is making me want to be much closer to the people important to me.
2. Please also be praying for wisdom on what to so with my car. If you remember past blogs, she barely made it to my parent´s the day I left. There were lights on her dash, noises, weird driving, all sorts of issues. I don´t know if I should get something different, or keep trying to fix her. I will be close to broke when I return, so I really need God to make the past smooth on this one. I am so uncertain.
3. And the biggest one......I really think Bolivia is where I am supposed to be. Long term. I dont know when that means, or for how long. I am praying, and asking you to pray with me. I know it will need to be in God´s perfect timing. And somehow, finicial needs will need to be met. I want what God has for me, and I really belive that is to be here. There is so much work to be done here, and I have such a heart for the people here. Please be praying as I seek Him.
As I sat in bed, worrying, I was reminded of what Jesus says... Matthew 6:25-34
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith. So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Things are going very well here. Please continue to pray for my health. Headaches and fevers this week :( Can´t wait to share more about what God is doing in Cochabamba.
Love, M
Last night I was blessed to skype with three of my dearest friends. I met my one friend´s brand new baby boy. He is the most perfect baby. I am already in love.
I loved seeing my friends. But the reality that I´m not here forever started to sink in. I know that may sound strange, but I can´t picture my life back home. It´s so different than what I´m living here. There are certainly things I really miss from home. (My two best friends kiddos, Olive Garden soup, breadsticks, and beliini iced tea, my bed, my family, a shamrock shake, being barefoot, etc) But I am not quite ready to be back.
After talking to my friends, I went to bed. I sat up in bed, and started freaking out. The uncertainity of coming home was overwhelming. So, please join me in praying for a few things.
1. I am almost positive I want to move this spring or summer. My friends, family, church, ministry, places I babysit, everything is 25+ minutes away from where I live now. I have no idea what this means exactly. I have looked at a couple houses to rent before coming to Bolivia, and everything kept falling through with roommates, etc. I know I want to be in Clarkston. Please be praying for mountains to be moved with that situation. There are so many uncertainities. But being away is making me want to be much closer to the people important to me.
2. Please also be praying for wisdom on what to so with my car. If you remember past blogs, she barely made it to my parent´s the day I left. There were lights on her dash, noises, weird driving, all sorts of issues. I don´t know if I should get something different, or keep trying to fix her. I will be close to broke when I return, so I really need God to make the past smooth on this one. I am so uncertain.
3. And the biggest one......I really think Bolivia is where I am supposed to be. Long term. I dont know when that means, or for how long. I am praying, and asking you to pray with me. I know it will need to be in God´s perfect timing. And somehow, finicial needs will need to be met. I want what God has for me, and I really belive that is to be here. There is so much work to be done here, and I have such a heart for the people here. Please be praying as I seek Him.
As I sat in bed, worrying, I was reminded of what Jesus says... Matthew 6:25-34
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith. So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Things are going very well here. Please continue to pray for my health. Headaches and fevers this week :( Can´t wait to share more about what God is doing in Cochabamba.
Love, M
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
when the road becomes foggy
Waking up a few of the past few mornings, I have been surprised to find my entire world engulfed in fog. It makes driving a bit more of a hassle. (I love to drive aimlessly, but driving with a purpose has become a chore.)
One such dark morning, I was on my way to babysit. It was early, and not many people were on the road yet. I was a bit more than a mile away from home, and suddenly I couldn't see anything more than two cars length ahead of me.
The street lamps, the traffic lights, other cars, everything was invisible in the darkness and fog. It was eerie. I knew that I wouldn't get lost. I had taken this road at least twice a day, if not multiple times more for the past two years. I knew I was going in the right direction, but still the uncertainty of not being able to see the road, or my surroundings had me battling fear, doubt, and anxiety.
This seems silly, I am aware. I wasn't even sure what I was afraid of. As soon as I was out of that patch of fog, I laughed at myself for being freaked out. But in those few seconds, what I knew to be true didn't matter, all that I saw was uncertainty.
I feel like that is my life lately. Uncertain.
I doubt if God called me to Bolivia for six weeks. I wonder if I'll be able to handle it. I doubt that my Spanish will be good enough to communicate. I wonder if my visa be approved and be returned in time.
I am scared of airports, customs, and immigration. I am nervous about flying in a small plane from La Paz to Cochabamba. I am scared outta my mind about going completely alone. I have doubts on if the money will all come in. I am frightened that when I return, life here won't be the same, that I would've missed out on so much. I am on edge about even writing this blog and sharing my fears.
This is my fog.
I am in a fog of uncertainty. For these few seconds, or weeks, what I know to be true (He HAS called me to serve in Bolivia) is being overpowered by doubt from the enemy and my flesh.
And then I remember His faithfulness.
He remembered Noah and in His perfect timing, placed him where he needed to be. (Gen 8:1-3)
He told Abraham to leave his home, and go to a land He would later show him. (Gen 12:1-4)
He was with Joseph when he was in an unfamiliar land. (Gen 39:2)
When Moses feels like he cannot speak, He reminds him who He is. (Ex 4:10-12)
He keeps Daniel safe from eminent danger. (Dan 6:26-27)
This is my God.
Romans 8:15a "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave to fear..."
Deut 31:8 "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Josh 10:25a "Joshua said to them, 'Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous..."
Psalm 56:4 "In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Heb 13:6 "So that we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'"
Isa 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I feel the fog lessening, and the truth regaining clarity. I still must prepare myself for my trip. My Spanish classes begin the beginning of January. My Bolivian travel books have changed from cute coffee table decorations to bedside companions, marked and highlighted. God has provided me with almost $700 since my last post (YAYY!) I have started the process to set up a visit my my compassion international girl, Karen, I sponsor. I have a budget of what bills need to be paid while I am gone.
I am still uncertain. But I will continue to push forward, knowing He is with me, and He is preparing the way.
Please continue to pray with/for me. I appreciate it more than you could imagine.
Only about seven weeks until its go time!
Have a wonderful, wintery, Wednesday! Love, M
One such dark morning, I was on my way to babysit. It was early, and not many people were on the road yet. I was a bit more than a mile away from home, and suddenly I couldn't see anything more than two cars length ahead of me.
The street lamps, the traffic lights, other cars, everything was invisible in the darkness and fog. It was eerie. I knew that I wouldn't get lost. I had taken this road at least twice a day, if not multiple times more for the past two years. I knew I was going in the right direction, but still the uncertainty of not being able to see the road, or my surroundings had me battling fear, doubt, and anxiety.
This seems silly, I am aware. I wasn't even sure what I was afraid of. As soon as I was out of that patch of fog, I laughed at myself for being freaked out. But in those few seconds, what I knew to be true didn't matter, all that I saw was uncertainty.
I feel like that is my life lately. Uncertain.
I doubt if God called me to Bolivia for six weeks. I wonder if I'll be able to handle it. I doubt that my Spanish will be good enough to communicate. I wonder if my visa be approved and be returned in time.
I am scared of airports, customs, and immigration. I am nervous about flying in a small plane from La Paz to Cochabamba. I am scared outta my mind about going completely alone. I have doubts on if the money will all come in. I am frightened that when I return, life here won't be the same, that I would've missed out on so much. I am on edge about even writing this blog and sharing my fears.
This is my fog.
I am in a fog of uncertainty. For these few seconds, or weeks, what I know to be true (He HAS called me to serve in Bolivia) is being overpowered by doubt from the enemy and my flesh.
And then I remember His faithfulness.
He remembered Noah and in His perfect timing, placed him where he needed to be. (Gen 8:1-3)
He told Abraham to leave his home, and go to a land He would later show him. (Gen 12:1-4)
He was with Joseph when he was in an unfamiliar land. (Gen 39:2)
When Moses feels like he cannot speak, He reminds him who He is. (Ex 4:10-12)
He keeps Daniel safe from eminent danger. (Dan 6:26-27)
This is my God.
Romans 8:15a "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave to fear..."
Deut 31:8 "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Josh 10:25a "Joshua said to them, 'Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous..."
Psalm 56:4 "In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Heb 13:6 "So that we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'"
Isa 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I feel the fog lessening, and the truth regaining clarity. I still must prepare myself for my trip. My Spanish classes begin the beginning of January. My Bolivian travel books have changed from cute coffee table decorations to bedside companions, marked and highlighted. God has provided me with almost $700 since my last post (YAYY!) I have started the process to set up a visit my my compassion international girl, Karen, I sponsor. I have a budget of what bills need to be paid while I am gone.
I am still uncertain. But I will continue to push forward, knowing He is with me, and He is preparing the way.
Please continue to pray with/for me. I appreciate it more than you could imagine.
Only about seven weeks until its go time!
Have a wonderful, wintery, Wednesday! Love, M
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