Right now.

Lately I have been struggling with being here.
A year ago today, I landed in Cochabamba, Bolivia, and my life changed. I long to be back. This week, I have gone through photos and blog posts from when I was gone. My heart aches to be there. I cry, confused as to what I really want.
Here, I have a wonderful job I love, a family that I adore more than anything, the most darling apartment in a sweet little downtown, a Target store ten minutes away, more people, ministries, and things to keep me busy than my schedule allows, my kitchen aid mixer, my tier of best friends, the most comfortable bed, and sushi every Friday night. It is a lovely, comfortable life.
What more could I want?
But something inside me hates this.
It is begging for a life full of fighting injustice, holding sick babies, feeding the hungry, caring for orphans, building hope, loving the unlovable, kicking down doors and rescuing lost girls, pouring into the poor, sharing a real Jesus, dancing in the rain, and watching God move mountains.
So, I pray. I don't know what I really want. I am scared to give up what I have, to get what I want. I look at my life now, brimming with certainty, and I think of another life, lacking all things sure and steady.
I will trust that He has me here for a purpose now, and I will not wish away my days daydreaming.
I am grateful that God is the One who directs my steps, because right now, I don't know where I would chose to be.
I pray for opportunities to go, and if I am told to stay, to have a content heart, and to be used here.
I sign my lease to my apartment to commit to be here for another year. Just wondering what life will look like in May 2014.
I pray diligently for friends on the mission field to be used in mighty ways.
I remember His timing is perfect. He is the author of it, and He is well aware of all that is happening, and all that is to come.
I dream big dreams, believing I have a God who is bigger than anything I could imagine.
I pray for clarity and peace in being wherever, doing whatever.
I rest in the arms of Jesus, knowing He's got this girl. And He's working it all out for my good.
And I'm thankful for an incredible group of people who love me, encourage me, pray for me, and read my ramblings.
Just an update from a girl that just wants to honor Jesus, even when her life is confusing...
Love, M

Have you ever had a moment that you knew you were exactly where you should be, doing exactly what you should be doing?
I won't lie, those moments are rare. Most of my life is just doing life. I go to work, I make dinner, I hang out with friends, and there are days I just want to get through. But occasionally, I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to do.
Last night was one of those rare moments.
A few months ago one of my best friends and I were talking. Were in a weird spot. 25 and single. It's not necessarily normal. Especially in the church. We don't really fit anywhere. Women's ministry is wonderful, but they are married and have kids, some even our age. We are at different places in life. There is a lot of wisdom to be gained from spending time with them, but it is easy to get lost in the shuffle. There is young adult ministry, but again, were just at different places. No longer fresh from high school and living at our parents, we have bills, and are ready to settle down. So, here we are, stuck awkwardly in the middle.
So, we talked and started praying about about starting a get together night with other single girls in their mid/late twenties /early thirties and encouraging each other.
We had no idea what that looked like.  We discussed if we wanted to do a book study, a specific section of the Bible, or just share what were learning throughout the week. We went out to dinner, and ended up looking over a few books. The book topics were diverse.
We prayed, and ended up choosing one. Not sure if anyone else would even be interested in what we wanted to study, we ordered the books, and decided to trust God.
We didn't know if it would just be the two of us. We were feeling slightly cynical and discouraged, so I began to pray for girls to come. Not for twenty girls, but for maybe a couple of girls that were in the same place as us.
Wednesday night I ran into a friend at church, and we started talking. Somehow this study got brought into conversation. She asked if she could pass my number onto her cousin. Not thinking much of it, I agreed.
She texted me before I even got home, and she came to Bible study last night. She shared how she had been struggling with the same issues as us, and had been praying for months to find Christian girlfriends her age and in her area. We are all 25, and all live 5 minutes from each other. (How good is God?!?) She shared what God is doing in her life, and my heart was so full of joy. The study we chose is exactly what she had been talking to God about. So, we opened the Word, prayed for each other, and shared life together. It was amazing to hear exactly what we were all praying in the past few months, and how God is working it out, with each other as answers to prayer.
I cannot wait to see what God has in store. I'm giddy. It is such a delightful feeling to know I am being used by a real God. And that He really is working things together for my good. And for this moment, I'm exactly where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing.
So, Happy Friday.
Love, M :)
Jeremiah 29:11-12
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

What a night!

Tonight I went to a fundraiser event for an awesome organization, key of hope. Twenty something women from my church are going to South Africa in July to love people, and be Jesus in a broken land. I enjoyed going and hearing of what God is doing there now though His obedient people. My heart leapt for joy as I learned more of the adventure ahead for these women.

I hadn't planned on going tonight. Originally, I didn't really want to. I have a few days off of work, and I wanted to relax, and spend time alone. But I felt a tugging on my heart to go, and so I went.
I was so blessed beyond words.

Five separate people came up to me, and shared that they read my blog. I laughed. They read this? This string of jumbled words from a nobody of a girl? Well that didn't make sense. Apparently, not only did they read it, but they knew my stories.

They prayed for baby Nestor, they read of God's faithfulness, they watched the Healer fix this girl's broken heart. It blew me away.

A little while later, a woman came up to me and encouraged me about being single. She was in my small group. I had recently spoke out about the pressure in the church world to be married young, and how it feels like we are inadequate to serve in ministry without a husband. Being content while being 25 and single is hard sometimes. She encouraged me to wait on His timing and find joy in Christ alone. She also thought my hair was cute, which made me laugh because it was so dirty!

I was also blessed to spend most of the evening cuddling and sneaking desserts to my niece. She is my best friend's daughter, and one of the few absolute loves of my life. I prayed for her years before she was here, and tonight she said my name for the first time. (She just calls me "M".)

Big tears welled up in my eyes, as I reflected on how faithful God really is.

There was a silent auction, and a life auction tonight. I bid on a cute, homemade, yellow quilt, and my bid won! I love knowing my money is going to share the name of Jesus, and I got a cozy quilt to cuddle up with.

A few times tonight I shared stories of how amazing this year has been. (Check back soon for 'M's top 12 moments of 2012')  And I became so excited thinking of stories that I can't tell quite yet, because they have not come to frutation yet, but believing they will. Things are happening, big things! My heart was reminded of how I want to go and serve, but for now we wait and serve.

I had a conversation with a dear friend tonight. We both want to be in other countries serving there. We don't want to be here. But God has us in the places we are for a reason, and we trust He is faithful, and ALL things work together for good for them that love Him, and are called according to His purposes.

God knew I needed a sweet night, full of refreshment. What a perfect way to start vacation week! :)

If you would like to support any of the women going to South Africa, please let me know. $2,500 is due by the middle of January, with more to raise in the following months. If you cannot give, please be in prayer for peace for these girls as they raise money, and for God to move mountains on their behalf.

Our God doesn't change. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. The same God that used five loaves of bread, and two fish to feed 5,000+ people is still doing miracles today. I cannot wait to hear the stories of God doing big things. :)
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Have a great day!

Love, M :)

email me at : michelletobolivia@gmail.com