Cemetery. Love. Sleep.

I visited the cemetery again today. It was an impulsive visit. With the cemetery being only half a mile from my front door, the thought occasionally passes through my mind, but rarely do I find the courage to go.
I was there for just a moment today. The busyness of the day was catching up with me, but I needed to sneak in a moment of solitude. I wandered over to where she was buried. I sat for just a minute on the cold ground.
This time, instead of being angry at God, and fighting with bitterness bubbling over, I had peace. I rejoiced that Jesus, conquered death, and now our Redeemer lives.
A line from a song became wedged in my mind as I walked back to my car.
"In death, in life, I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love."
I focused on His love, and its power. It never fails. It is overwhelming. We are so undeserving, yet He gives it freely. It is unconditional. It is ours.
There are so many things I could focus on as I fall asleep tonight. But I will choose to drift into dreams reflecting on His love for me. What a sweet way to end the day.
More tales to come. But for now, rest in His love.
Goodnight.
Love, M.

He is here.

This has become one of my favorite songs the past few weeks.
Kari Jobe -Here
Come and rest here
Come and lay your burdens down Come and rest here
There is refuge for you now
You'll find His peace
And know you're not alone anymore He is near
You'll find His healing
You're heart isn't shattered anymore He is here
Breathe in
Breathe out
You will You will find Him here
I will rest in You
You will find Him
You will find Him here
You will find Him
You will find Him here

Jesus is still King.

Politics make people act crazy.
Please be aware and remember that whoever is president of our great nation will fail us. For he is a man, and he is a politician. If we put our faith and hope in him, we will be let down.
So, remember that whatever happens, Jesus is still King. He is in His throne. He is not unaware of happenings here. He is sovereign. He is good. He is in control. He is in charge.
The Bible specifically talks about how God gives authority to leaders.
Daniel 2:21 And he changeth the times and the seasons: he removeth kings, and setteth up kings: he giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that know understanding:
Romans 13:1 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.
So, regardless of whoever is in power, be of good hope. Jesus is our only hope. He brings freedom. He conquered sin, death, hell, the grave, and Satan. He brings peace. He renews, restores, and refreshes. He came to give us abundant life. We have a home in heaven, only because of Him. He alone is good, and worthy of praise.
Don't get caught up in men's empty promises. Trust in Jesus. His words are tried and true.
Be praying for our nation and its leaders as we face our future.
Get some sleep tonight.
Love, M.

Waiting.

Fall is quickly approaching. With it comes boots, football games, hot apple cider, hay rides, new school supplies, and cozy clothes. But along with that comes change, and an overwhelming sense to be busy. As I look towards fall, I get caught up in day dreaming of changes to come. What could happen in the next few years? Maybe moving for a job, or for missions work to a new city, new state, new country, or even a new continent. Maybe meeting that incredible man God has for me and settling down and having babies. Maybe everything changes.  Maybe nothing changes. But within all of those maybes, the only constant is that my God knows it all. He has it so intricately and beautifully worked together, there is no need for me to worry.

I do worry sometimes because I'm me. I worry because a big-ish birthday is coming up, and I am still single. I worry because if I move, then when would I see my family. I worry about the next steps from getting here into full time ministry. I worry about wasting time. I worry when I try to control everything.

But then I remember a couple things. Jesus tells me over and over to trust Him, to wait on Him, and to rest in Him. When I do, everything is different. I have overwhelming peace. I remember He is in control. He has me in the palm of His hand. I have His favor. He loves me, and wants the best for me. He is with me, even in the waiting.

So, I challenge you, believe Him. He is everything He claimed to be. He alone can renew, revive, restore, and refresh. He sees the big picture. He is preparing the now for the later. Moments of waiting do not have to be wasted. He can use them. He wants to use them.


While I'm waiting, there is still life to be lived and people to be loved.

I will choose to be more like Jesus every day. I will choose to praise His name. I will choose to prepare myself for the later, with what I have been given in the now. I will choose to trust my God who already has it figured out, instead of attempting control. I will choose to keep going and pressing on even when I fail and lose sight of it all. I will choose to be kind,  patient, and loving even when it is hard, and doesn't make sense. I will choose to believe that I have a purpose, wherever I am, and that I can be useful with whatever I have. I will choose selflessness over selfishness. I will choose not to waste time, and to make every moment count. I will choose to rest in Jesus instead of wrestle with anxiety.

Waiting is a natural part of life. What will you do with it? What will you choose to do while you wait?

Happy weekend! Enjoy it! Love M.

Surprise Surgery and His Sovereignty

Monday night I came home to find my roommate on the couch watching tv. She told me she didn't feel great, and was skipping our late night roomie chat and tv show. She said something just felt off in her body. She went to bed early, and I spent time in my room reading before bed.

Tuesday morning I was up at 5, like normal. My normal routine was in motion, until I noticed the kitchen light was on. My roommate stumbled out of her room looking rough. She told me she hadn't really slept through the night, and wasn't feeling well. She assumed it was a kidney infection. I reminded her to go to the doctor and keep me posted. I then left the house by 5:50am.

Around 8:30am she called me and told me she was really sick to her stomach and in pain. I got off the phone and got online, looking for clinics that were cheap, since she doesn't have insurance.

We then texted back and forth all day. She kept me updated with snippets of phrases in the midst of pain.

I didn't realize how badly she felt until later.

She took an ambulance to the hospital and spent the day in the emergency room.

They had found a large mass on her ovary during an ultra sound. They scheduled surgery for that night.

Uncertainty.

She asked me to call her mom and explain what was going on.

Her family and friends all live on the other side of the state, a few hours away. She doesn't really know anyone here, except for me. I am her person.

I arrived at the hospital a bit after 7:30 pm, thinking I would not be able to see her before surgery.

I was able to see her in the pre-op area for a while. I prayed with her. Peace flooded over both of us.

He is sovereign. He is faithful. He is good regardless of the outcome. He is in control. He is not surprised by this. He is loving. He is healer. He is provider. He is peace.

I was able to meet the whole surgical team, and ask questions. That in itself was a blessing. I am not family, and yet they shared exactly what was going on.

She went back to the or, and I went to the waiting area. I updated my Facebook, and began praying.

If you know me well, you would testify to the fact that I am not always calm. I am often an emotional wreck.

Every day since being back from Bolivia I have cried and cried, longing to be there. I have cried, being overwhelmed at the grocery store, missing my babies, seeing a sweet commercial....I am a mess.

But.

God held me together. I was a pillar of strength. It was not my own. I was calm. I did not shed one tear. I did not throw up. I did not sit in a corner and grow grey hair. He held me together.

I trusted God. I was filled with Him. The prayers of my dear friends and family overwhelmed me as I remembered and reflected on who He is, and how He is always faithful.

My roommate's mom had driven a few hours and arrived at the hospital while she was still in surgery.
We got coffee and went back to waiting. I began to share bits of pieces of my story in Bolivia. I shared His faithfulness. I reminded us of who He is. We were filled with peace that is not from this world. We huddled together on a chair and praised our Jesus and begged for healing.

While we were praying, the doctors came out to talk with us. They took us to a back room, and closed the door. We then listened to the surgeon explain that the mass was a very large cyst. It had grown and filled very fast and the weight and position of it has twisted her right falopian tube, and cut off the blood supply to her right ovary. They had drained the cyst, and are fairly confident it was benign.

She was going to be okay. She was waking up in recovery. We would be able to see her soon.

The surgery may make it more difficult to get pregnant one day. But I am reminded of a God that opened the womb of a woman in her 90's, caused a barren woman to have a son, and a virgin to carry a baby.

Our God is greater, and He is able.

I helped her and her mom get settled into her hospital room and ready for bed.

She came home yesterday, and has been camped out on the couch watching movies. Please be praying for her as she continues to recover.

We know God is sovereign. We know He is aware of timing. We praise Him for that. If this would've happened 3 weeks prior, I would've still been in Bolivia. She would've had no one with her. If it would've happened three weeks later, she would've been in Puerto Rico doing missions work. We are so blessed I was here, and she was able to go to a wonderful hospital.

She is going to Puerto Rico for four months this summer to work at a camp for kids and to share Jesus.

I am asking you to pray for God to be two things to her. Provider and Healer.

She doesn't have insurance. She is done with her job since she is on bed rest and leaving in a week. She will soon have many medical bills stacking up. She rode an ambulance, spent the day in the er, had emergency surgery, and stayed the night in the the hospital. None of which will be cheap. We are praying for God to move mountains and provide for her medical expenses.

We are also praying for God to do big things in support for her mission trip. She is not fully funded, and is set to leave May 1st. I keep reminding her that He is faithful. He called her, so He will provide. It was a roller coaster raising funds for Bolivia. But the most incredible faith building thing I have ever done. I love watching Him unravel His plan little bit by little bit as we trust Him.

Please pray for healing. She is beginning to move off the couch and get up by herself. She has a follow up appointment early next week. The doctors have said she is cleared to go to Puerto Rico, as long as everything looks good. She is tired and in need of rest. Her body is sore from surgery and medicines. Please join me in prayer for rest, healing, and energy.

She has much to do in the next few days. I know God will show Himself to be faithful. He always does.

I know this was a long blog. But I just had to share. He is good when life feels so uncertain. He is sovereign in the confusion. He is peace. He is in control.

I look forward to sharing more as it all unfolds. I know she will have great stories. I can't wait to hear them.
Love you all. M.