Oh deer!

Tonight, I had a babysitting job. I got ready, and left the house. It is only three roads to this family's home, nice and close. I was driving and reflecting on a lot.
Driving is the time Jesus and I talk the most. I often have people with me in every aspect of life, but for some reason, its almost always just me driving. So I pray a lot. I hash things out with God. It works.
Tonight was no different. I was driving, when all the sudden I felt the need to slow down and be alert. Every sense in my body perked up. I heard His voice, "Trust Me."
And then, out of no where, a deer appeared. I had never seen a deer on this road. She was huge, but without antlers. She walked up to my car, in the middle of the road, as I was driving, inches away from me. It was one of the most bizarre moments. I hit my brakes, grateful no one was directly behind me. I couldn't believe she was that close, and I didn't hit her.
And then she was gone.
I got to the house and babysat for the night. I went to leave six and a half hours later. I got to my car, and began praising Jesus for keeping me safe driving there.
I got to the same spot in the road, while driving home, and I felt the Holy Spirit say, "look over to the right." So I did, and the deer was standing off a bit, on the side of the road, just staring at me. Once I drove by, she began to run. It was like she was waiting for me. It was bizarre all over again.
Who sees the same deer in the exact same spot, over six hours later? It was weird.
What a reminder that He is in control. I am so thankful I listened to the Spirit, and was aware as I was driving. So thankful that He kept me safe, once again.
Okay. I really need sleep.
If you could be praying for me, I am starting to get sick, and really need to be healthy. No cough, no headache, no stuffyness.
Also, I have a 5k race in the morning, so pray the rain holds off!
Goodnight!
Love, M.

...

Psalm 34:11 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 31:14-15a But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, "You are my God." My times are in your hands.

Psalm 46:10a Be still, and know that I am God;

Psalm 62:8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Love, M

Waiting.

Fall is quickly approaching. With it comes boots, football games, hot apple cider, hay rides, new school supplies, and cozy clothes. But along with that comes change, and an overwhelming sense to be busy. As I look towards fall, I get caught up in day dreaming of changes to come. What could happen in the next few years? Maybe moving for a job, or for missions work to a new city, new state, new country, or even a new continent. Maybe meeting that incredible man God has for me and settling down and having babies. Maybe everything changes.  Maybe nothing changes. But within all of those maybes, the only constant is that my God knows it all. He has it so intricately and beautifully worked together, there is no need for me to worry.

I do worry sometimes because I'm me. I worry because a big-ish birthday is coming up, and I am still single. I worry because if I move, then when would I see my family. I worry about the next steps from getting here into full time ministry. I worry about wasting time. I worry when I try to control everything.

But then I remember a couple things. Jesus tells me over and over to trust Him, to wait on Him, and to rest in Him. When I do, everything is different. I have overwhelming peace. I remember He is in control. He has me in the palm of His hand. I have His favor. He loves me, and wants the best for me. He is with me, even in the waiting.

So, I challenge you, believe Him. He is everything He claimed to be. He alone can renew, revive, restore, and refresh. He sees the big picture. He is preparing the now for the later. Moments of waiting do not have to be wasted. He can use them. He wants to use them.


While I'm waiting, there is still life to be lived and people to be loved.

I will choose to be more like Jesus every day. I will choose to praise His name. I will choose to prepare myself for the later, with what I have been given in the now. I will choose to trust my God who already has it figured out, instead of attempting control. I will choose to keep going and pressing on even when I fail and lose sight of it all. I will choose to be kind,  patient, and loving even when it is hard, and doesn't make sense. I will choose to believe that I have a purpose, wherever I am, and that I can be useful with whatever I have. I will choose selflessness over selfishness. I will choose not to waste time, and to make every moment count. I will choose to rest in Jesus instead of wrestle with anxiety.

Waiting is a natural part of life. What will you do with it? What will you choose to do while you wait?

Happy weekend! Enjoy it! Love M.

when the road becomes foggy

Waking up a few of the past few mornings, I have been surprised to find my entire world engulfed in fog. It makes driving a bit more of a hassle. (I love to drive aimlessly, but driving with a purpose has become a chore.)

One such dark morning, I was on my way to babysit. It was early, and not many people were on the road yet. I was a bit more than a mile away from home, and suddenly I couldn't see anything more than two cars length ahead of me.

The street lamps, the traffic lights, other cars, everything was invisible in the darkness and fog. It was eerie. I knew that I wouldn't get lost. I had taken this road at least twice a day, if not multiple times more for the past two years. I knew I was going in the right direction, but still the uncertainty of not being able to see the road, or my surroundings had me battling fear, doubt, and anxiety.

This seems silly, I am aware. I wasn't even sure what I was afraid of. As soon as I was out of that patch of fog, I laughed at myself for being freaked out. But in those few seconds, what I knew to be true didn't matter, all that I saw was uncertainty.

I feel like that is my life lately. Uncertain.

I doubt if God called me to Bolivia for six weeks. I wonder if I'll be able to handle it. I doubt that my Spanish will be good enough to communicate. I wonder if my visa be approved and be returned in time.

I am scared of airports, customs, and immigration. I am nervous about flying in a small plane from La Paz to Cochabamba. I am scared outta my mind about going completely alone. I have doubts on if the money will all come in. I am frightened that when I return, life here won't be the same, that I would've missed out on so much. I am on edge about even writing this blog and sharing my fears.

This is my fog.

I am in a fog of uncertainty. For these few seconds, or weeks, what I know to be true (He HAS called me to serve in Bolivia) is being overpowered by doubt from the enemy and my flesh.

And then I remember His faithfulness.

He remembered Noah and in His perfect timing, placed him where he needed to be. (Gen 8:1-3)

He told Abraham to leave his home, and go to a land He would later show him. (Gen 12:1-4)

He was with Joseph when he was in an unfamiliar land. (Gen 39:2)

When Moses feels like he cannot speak, He reminds him who He is. (Ex 4:10-12)

He keeps Daniel safe from eminent danger. (Dan 6:26-27)

This is my God.

Romans 8:15a "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave to fear..."

Deut 31:8 "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Josh 10:25a "Joshua said to them, 'Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous..."

Psalm 56:4 "In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

Heb 13:6 "So that we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'"

Isa 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I feel the fog lessening, and the truth regaining clarity. I still must prepare myself for my trip. My Spanish classes begin the beginning of January. My Bolivian travel books have changed from cute coffee table decorations to bedside companions, marked and highlighted. God has provided me with almost $700 since my last post (YAYY!) I have started the process to set up a visit my my compassion international girl, Karen, I sponsor. I have a budget of what bills need to be paid while I am gone.

I am still uncertain. But I will continue to push forward, knowing He is with me, and He is preparing the way.

Please continue to pray with/for me. I appreciate it more than you could imagine.

Only about seven weeks until its go time!

Have a wonderful, wintery, Wednesday! Love, M