Peace.

The last couple of months have been the craziest of emotional roller coaster rides. I don't particularly enjoy roller coasters in general, and I certainly detest the emotional kind. And despite my best wishes, I think I'm still on the ride. 

Long story long. 

I have been nannying for the same family for five years now, and it has come to the point that I have been dreading since day one, it's time to move on. Those babies feel like my own. I have learned to love in ways I didn't know we're possible. It has been an incredible ride, and honestly, I believe the best thing I have ever done. 

Because that job is ending soon (down to single digits), I must get a new job. I have searched a little via word of mouth, and via the internet. But I kept hearing God's voice tell me to "rest and wait on Him".

People thought I was nuts for waiting. Somedays, I thought I was nuts for waiting. 

One day I got an email to meet with a lady for a job interview. I knew her organization, because she had shared with me her dreams and passions over coffee, a few months before. 

Immediately I was tickled pink. It was my dream job! Be in South America, love girls, have sewing circles, be home for part of the year, do something about human trafficking, be a voice for those who do not have one. Ah. It was everything. And more. 

Two days before I received the official job offer, I started feeling unrest, and the Holy Spirit quietly whispered to me "this isn't for you". I was a mess. I received the official offer, and instantly, I heard His voice loud and clear, "Girl, this isn't for you.". I was sick to my stomach. I have never been so conflicted over a decision before. It was everything I wanted. It was in the right timing. I emailed her asking for additional days to pray over the situation. I had friends come over, and we got on our knees, just begging for clarity and peace. I was so distraught. 

It's crazy to need a job, be offered your dream job, and turn it down, only to still be jobless. I know. I get that. 

It took me four days to fully come to the answer I had known for a week. For whatever reason, this wasn't for me. And above anything, I just wanted to walk in peace. Once I made my decision, I had peace. I declined the offer, and it was not my favorite thing I've ever done. But I had peace.  

This week is a new week, and things haven't been easy. The enemy has been taunting me over my decision. People I love dearly have been reminding me that "I need a job, and soon." I have doubted my decision, and then struggled with the fact that I was doubting. I'm over emotional. It's been a rough few days.

Today I was putting books away, and I happened to open one, and start glancing through the intro. It is written by Kari Jobe. 

She was sharing about how she dating a great guy, and everything seemed perfect, but she didn't have peace from the Holy Spirit. She went on to share how important that peace was. I know she is referring to marriage, but I believe it works in all areas. I want that peace from the Holy Spirit in all things I do. 

I am so thankful I stumbled across that this morning. It was like water to my tired soul. I just sat on the floor, crying. I know I made the right decision. 

Please pray for me in the uncomfortable season of transition. I really do need a job, and selfishly, I would prefer it to be doing something that makes my heart beat with purpose. 

Thanks for letting me share the unglamorous parts of me. I'm kinda just a hot mess. And I just want to follow Jesus. 

Love ya. M.