My Date, His Plan.

As a little girl, I often would daydream about my wedding.

I wanted to wear a yellow wedding dress, carry yellow flowers, and have my bridesmaids all wearing yellow. I was obsessed.

I wanted every girl in the bridal party to wear a different shade of yellow. Goldenrod, saffron, ochre, sunflower, sunburst, buttercream, lemon, straw, daffodil, etc. If  you were to name it, I am sure I loved it. Looking back now, I'm sure my sisters and close friends are glad I have changed my mind on that. I can just imagine their eye rolls on the idea of looking like paint sample swatches in front of a church.

I really try hard not to mentally plan my own wedding. But some times, it can be difficult not to. I have been a bridesmaid in ten weddings, helped plan a dozen more, and attended countless others. It has become second nature to form opinions on  ideas I like or dislike at weddings.

I want it to all be new and exciting when I plan it. I am waiting for a man, so I should probably wait on planning our wedding.

The one thing I have mentally thought out and planned was the date.

I know. This makes me sound like a crazy, deranged woman. I am well aware. Maybe I have lost my mind.

When I was a young, teenage girl, I fell in love with a day. It was the most perfect fall afternoon. The air was crisp, the sun was warm, the trees were bright and beautiful, showing off their colors. It felt like anything was possible. The day was full of possibility. I was convinced it was magical.

So I looked at a calendar years in advance and saw that it landed on a Saturday, the autumn I would be 25, weeks before my 26th birthday.

October 12, 2013.

I figured it had to be my wedding day. It was meant to be.

There was plenty of time to go to college, graduate, meet a man, date for a while, be engaged for a bit, plan our wedding and lives together, all before that magical date.

So for years, I would eat a cupcake on that day and think of how one day, I would be eating wedding cake with my husband.

Just to be clear, I never booked a church, bought a dress, or did anything to actually plan a wedding. This was all just plans I had made up, and kept floating around in my head. Only a very small handful of people knew how much I loved that day.

I just reminded God every year what was going to happen that day.

Last year on that date, a terrible tragedy occurred. Suddenly that date and all its specialness became an awful reminder of pain. I was furious at God for allowing a beautiful life to be taken from us so unexpectedly.  And then I became bitter that He had allowed it to happen on my day.

Between time, God's faithfulness, and constant pursuit, my heart is beginning to heal.

But that date is quickly approaching. I never finished college. I still haven't found a man. And in all honesty, it would be a miracle from heaven if a man asked me out for coffee. I am certainly not getting married in less than two months. I am as single as one could be. This isn't what I had planned at all.

And I think for the first time in forever, I am okay with that.

For years, I planned my life down to the last detail. I said I trusted God and His timing, but the closer the fall of 2013 came, the less there was any proof of that. I wanted to be in control. Honestly, I thought I was.

I became angry and bitter at God when things didn't progress the way I thought they should  for my idea of a perfect life.

But in all of my frustration and brokenness, He was teaching me.

One of my favorite verses has become "A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

He has been teaching me so much about how He is in control, not me.

One of my favorite things my dad has said recently was, "Michelle, God has a plan, and you're in it. So stop worrying."

He has not forgotten about me. He isn't unaware of my desire to be somebody's Mrs. He knows my desire to be a mommy. He knows more than anyone how badly I want to be in South America, serving. He knows what is best for me, better than I could ever know myself.

The last few years have been amazing. I would not trade them for anything. They have been hard, but God has proved Himself faithful time after time. I have had adventures I never could have imagined or dreamed about. I have grown and been stretched in ways I would have avoided, if I knew what was in store. But I am so thankful for not always getting my way. His way is better. It is best.

I know life is full of disappointments, frustrations, and hurt. We make plans, dream dreams, and have high expectations. It is easy when things don't work out the way we planned, to think that He forgot us, He wasn't aware, or just didn't care. But that is not our God.

So remember, He is working it out for me, and for you. He is faithful, and He is good. He has not forgotten about us. His plans for us are better than even my crazy brain could conjure up. He has this. He knows our dreams and deepest desires. There is no reason to fret and fear. He has this all under control.

Have a wonderful weekend resting in that!

Love, M

Have you ever planned on something happening, and then it didn't? What did you do? Do you wish you would've done things differently? What verses do you rely on to remind you that He is in control?

Trades.

I can't have it all. I can't do it all. There just isn't enough time in a week. There just isn't enough energy in my body. I have limits. I am human.

But as I sit here, in the park, the night is quickly approaching, and so I just let my mind wander.

I think of how hard it is to let go sometimes. And how terrifying it is to grab on to something new.

Summer is coming to a close. Autumn is knocking at the door, trying to be patient, but quietly preparing to rush in.

I am thrilled to be doing women's ministry this fall. I have been studying the book I will be teaching, and have been growing more excited every time I open the study and the Word. My heart leaps inside of me as I think of the lives that God will entrust to us to love and care for. My eyes well up with tears, as I think about how the Word renews, restores, and refreshes, and how there are women that will need that.

But.

My heart is sad thinking of what I am giving up. I love my youth group girls. But in this season, I must be obedient, and let go.

I have been honored to serve at a little church plant as their children's director for the last year. I love their excitement as they shout my name, recite all of their memory verses, and laugh with me as they tell stories. I will miss teaching them. I have one more Sunday morning left in Auburn Hills.

But.

I think there is something new for me. Something very different. Something so huge, that it is something only God Himself could orchestrate it. If I tried, my head would blow up. So I will trust in His timing. I beg for His peace, clarity, and that He directs my steps. And I am excited. There are still things to be made official, before any real celebrating and freaking out can occur. :-) But I really believe He knows my heart, He has heard my tears, and He is preparing an adventure just for me.

So, pray I can find my passport. :-)

Love, M

You are chosen

I often think, and over think, about if God has called me to do something, what it could be, and how under qualified I am to do whatever it is.

I don't think I am alone.

We often feel like we aren't qualified for life. We believe we're not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, rich enough, or just enough. We let people's opinions resonate in our heads of how we could never do anything amazing. We allow excuses, self doubt, and past failures to keep us shriveled up, and ineffective. So we just live our lives, as though we are not incredible people, with a special, individual plan for each of us, created by the Creator Himself.

I wandered across one of my favorite books (Undaunted by Christine Caine) recently, and I just wanted to share a excerpt on being chosen. (I highly recommend this book! It is so good!)

"The amazing thing is that throughout Scripture and history, it seems that God has chosen the most unlikely and unqualified people to fulfill his plan and purpose on the earth. ... If we allow other people to tell us what we are and are not qualified to do, we will limit what God wants to do with us. We may never get to those who need our help. ... that's how God works. He chooses each of us to do something for him despite our past failures, limitations, and inadequacies."

He doesn't care if you are not qualified, He already is. He cares if you are willing.

She then gives an incredible list of people from the Bible that were not perfect (none of us are!) and still, God used them!

"-Abraham was old (Genesis 17:1, 24:1)

-Sarah was impatient (Genesis 16)

-Noah got drunk (Genesis 9:20-27)

-Miriam was a gossiper (Numbers 12:1-2)

-Jacob was a cheater (Genesis 25-27)

-Jonah ran away (Jonah 1:3)

-David had an affair (2 Samuel 11-12)

-Elijiah was moody (1 Kings 18-19)

-Peter had a temper (John 18:10)

-Paul was a persecutor (Acts 8:3, 9:1-2)

-Martha was a worrier (Luke 10:40-41)

-Thomas doubted (John 11:14-44)"

"...God had a purpose for each of these people. He chose them. He qualified them. He called them, just as he is calling you and me - to go and do in his name. ... Moses and Gideon and Jeremiah would have missed out on their moments in history if they'd been allowed to get by with those excuses. We wouldn't even know their names today. We know who they were because God refused to accept their excuses and insisted they accept his assignment - and then provided them with everything they needed to succeed in it."

A couple weeks ago, I did a video blog that fits in with today's. Check it out here!

So what is God calling you to do, and how can you make a step today towards accomplishing it?

Have a great week!

love, m

Life has been a bit on the busy side lately. Summertime can do that to you. I have recently started planning my fall. (I am nowhere near being ready to give up summer yet, but I am a planner by nature.)

Mid summer every year, I begin to consider what ministries I will serve in when September rolls around. I often say "yes" to everything, because I struggle with saying "no" to anything.

I have spent a lot of time in prayer over this, and have come to some really strange conclusions. Life is about to get uncomfortable.

I am giving up serving in youth group. This may not seem too monumental to most, but it has been my life since 1999. I have either attended, had a leadership role, or served in youth group for 14 years. So, taking a year off is getting out of my comfort zone. I will miss my girls, the lame games, and the routine of youth group.

For almost two weeks, I didn't know why God had told me to give youth group up. I had nothing really in the works. Just a still small voice telling me to wait and watch.

About the same time, one of my best friends wrote a blog about her frustration about women's ministry in the church. Read it here!

It was then read by a woman, very involved in women's ministry, that had been praying for years for a solution to young, single women being apart of women's ministry.

So, after much prayer, chats, meetings, and consideration, it is official.

I am co-leading a women's Bible study with one of my best friends this fall.

I am terrified. Give me babies, toddlers, children, or even teenagers, and I am okay. But women!? I don't know a thing about women's ministry. What do I have in common with married women, with children? How could God call me to teach women twenty years older than I am?

For years I have had a very bitter taste in my mouth, left by women from the church. Feelings of not being "enough" (good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, womanly enough etc.) because I can't find a husband, have followed me for years. The lies that something must be wrong with me, have been living in the corners of my mind for far too long. Because I do not have have a man at my side, or a baby on my hip, I have often felt like I don't know what I'm talking about, and have no place in serving in ministry. God is showing me these are just lies from the enemy.

I know that God gave me something to share. I will not let this season of life go to waste. I will do what He has called me to do, even if it is uncomfortable and awkward.

So, instead of growing bitter, and allowing what I think other women's views of me to change who I am, I am stepping up, and stepping out.

It's time to be a bridge, and ask God for healing within women of His church.

So, as uncomfortable as it is, "Hello Women's Ministry!"

It's going to be a crazy ride.

If anyone is interested in joining me in this journey, we will be teaching No Other Gods : confronting our modern day idols by Kelly Minter. Class begins September 16th at The River Church in Holly, MI.

Love, Michelle 

A Bird, A whisper, & Love.

I must begin this story with a little disclaimer.

I do not know what has happened to me, but I now love animals.

I was the girl last year that had a heart of stone, didn't shed a tear over sad animal commercials, and I certainly didn't care about them. I was quoted as often saying that I hated animals. That was me.

I am not sure what to blame this new lifestyle change on. Maybe it is my new blonde hair, or living with my animal loving roommate, or even nannying for a little girl with the most tender heart. Whatever it is, my heart has grown 3 sizes, and I suddenly love animals.

...

 

 

Tonight, I was driving home from babysitting. It was dusk, and darkness was quickly taking over. I was not even out of the neighborhood when suddenly I pulled my car over to the size of the road, threw my hazards on, and jumped out of the car, leaving the door wide open.

 

Seven seconds before, I had realized there was a family of birds walking across the road. I saw the momma bird cross, but it took my brain a few seconds to realize that right behind her was a line of baby birds following her. They each seemed as small as a golf ball. They were so tiny.

 

And right through their perfect little road crossing line, I had drove.

 

I was terrified that I had hurt them. So I began to search for them, looking and listening. It appeared all of the babies were safe and sound. But the momma's wing seemed injured. She was calling in desperation to her mate.

 

So, now at this point, I am sobbing, walking through random people's front yards, getting down in the wet grass, trying to coax this crying bird to come closer to me.

 

Around then, I realized I looked ridiculous, and was acting irrational. If people would've looked out their windows, it could have gotten a lot more interesting. I just needed to save this bird.

 

As I stood there, feeling helpless, I remembered a verse. It was like Jesus Himself just whispered it to my crazy heart.

 

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31

 

As soon as that verse came to mind, the bird got up, and flew away. She was fine.

 

It got me thinking.

 

Number One. Jesus cares for birds. He is capable for caring for all things at once, and is actually pretty good at it. He's got this little bird.

 

Number Two. He cares for me. There are so many things rushing my mind lately. I am nervous about the outcome of much. But, He's got me.

 

Number Three. He loves me more than a little bird. All of my problems, doubts, worries, and baggage, He cares about. He's got this.

 

Number Four. He is provider. He cares for the birds and provides for their needs, and He cares for me, and provides for my needs. He's got all of that too.

 

What a good God.

 

So, if you are struggling with finding your joy again, falling apart financially, being exhausted, fighting with self image issues, dealing with doubt, waiting on the Lord, or any other thing, let me tell you... He cares for you, and He's got this.

 

Tonight, I am resting in that. He's got me, and He loves me more than I could ever comprehend.

 

Love, M

 

 

 



A child's faith. Bedtime prayers. Prince charming.

I currently have the sweetest little girl in my bed. She is four years old, and my very best friend. We are having our very first slumber party at my house.

I think she has been slightly baffled that I am alone in my apartment. She looked for my prince charming in the closets. I am convinced that she thinks I have been hiding a man and babies from her for years. :-)

Before bed, we brushed teeth, put pjs on, read stories, and said our prayers.

She thanked Jesus for her family, me, the beach, and my cool bathroom. It made my heart smile.

A few minutes later, right before she fell asleep, she asked if she could pray again.
She then prayed with such boldness, it made my heart melt.

"Dear Jesus, my Mechelle is all alone at night, all the time, with no one to snuggle. Please send her prince charming to her house. But not my house, because I don't need one, and I don't even live here. I know you know where he is. Tell him to show up now. Well, not right now, because were having a slumber party, and going to sleep. But please make him. And make him have a heart. Amen."

I am thankful that a sweet babe has such incredible faith that Jesus does know where he is, and who he is. What a good reminder.

Also, Jesus, please make him have a heart. I don't want to marry a robot.

Good night.

Love, M

Washing Dishes

I have a love/hate relationship with washing dishes.

We do not have a dishwasher in our tiny apartment. It drives me batty most days. I just want them to wash themselves.

In theory, doing the dishes is not the worst thing ever.

I just hate it. I hate the dried on food that is almost impossible to get off. I hate that my hands are wet, and I can't continue a texting conversation. I hate that even when I think I washed them all, there are always more. I hate that there isn't much room to let them dry, so a large percentage of counter top is quickly taken. I hate that my feet hurt from standing so long. I hate that I think about dirty dishes sitting in the sink when I am gone.

And now I hate that I sound like a whiny baby.

To be honest, yes I dislike the dishes, and yes, I may be a bit dramatic when it comes to housework, but for some crazy reason, it is one of the sweetest times I spend with Jesus.

He always seems to whisper into my heart when my hands are elbow deep in sudsy water.

I'm not sure why.

Maybe it is because I can't be on my phone or computer, and I have to be still. Maybe it is because He often convicts me of my ridiculous attitude, and reminds me what it means to serve. Maybe it is because He brings to remembrance what love is, and this is one way I can love my roommate. Maybe it is because He puts people on my heart, and I have the sweetest time praying for them. Maybe it is that He gently reminds me what a blessed life I lead, and how I should be thankful.

I don't know what it is, but I do know that there are still dishes that need to be washed, and I need to get over myself, and go wash them.

Have a good night.

Love, M