In the here. In the now.

This morning I was talking with one of my dear friends, and she called me out on some things. She told me, "I've noticed one thing you really struggle with, is that you want to know everything, now." 

It's true. I want to know the plan, the timeline, and all the details. 

Especially in this season of wanting to have a job, a car, a community, a church home, a husband, and a family, it is difficult to not want to wish away the days, and want to press the fast forward button to try to get to the good stuff. 

I struggle with living in the here and now. 

I know I live in the future more than most. 

I have a hope chest with vintage hand towels that have "his" and "hers" embroidered on them, I have beautiful dresses for a sweet baby girl one day, I have toys and dolls wrapped in baby quilts for children to play with. 

I rarely open my hope chest, because instead of hope, it oftens breeds discontentment. 

Some days it's harder than others, to see friends my age or younger, getting married, having growing families, and I'm still here, alone. 

My best friend has given me beautiful wisdom for years. She often tells me, "Their story and their happiness doesn't take away or change your story or happiness. Your friend is not marrying your future husband. Celebrate her. Your friend is not giving birth to your babies. Celebrate her. Your time will come." 

I am thankful for friends with wisdom. I am thankful when they are a mirror into my life, to gently show the places that need a little light and love. 

So today, I opened my hope chest. I pulled out a tea set. A tea set that I played with more than 20 years ago. It has sat in there for far too long. I have been holding onto it, for my one day daughter to play with. But she's not here right now. So I unwrapped it, and put it in a bag, and took it to my friend's house. I may not have a wild haired mini me, but my friend does. And today I learned that she loves tea parties. 

M 

P.S. I just normally hate writing about being single, because there's days when it's not sunshiney. A friend challenged me to write on those days too. I want to be genuine and transparent, and maybe even offer hope to someone else in my shoes. But I hate it! I feel so insecure about hitting publish those days. Like I'm confessing that sometimes I want more than just Jesus, and that it's hard to trust. Heaven forbid. Thank you all for being a sweet and safe place to work this all out. I treasure y'all.