One week til 13.1 and totally freaking out.

My half marathon is in a week. 

For Christmas I was given new running shoes. So the first week of the year, I started off committing to 10 miles/week. I kept at that for a bit, and by March I had a crazy idea to sign up for a half marathon. Thirteen point one miles. I was going to do that. 

And now, sitting in bed after months and miles of training, I'm totally freaking out. 

Seriously. What am I doing? Am I insane? 13.1 miles?! 

I am not normally big on the self doubt train, but for whatever reason, I'm all aboard today, and I just can't seem to hop off. 

But. 

I am laying in bed, just contemplating what I'm going to wear, what snacks I should pack, what my recovery plan is. A few months ago, I wouldn't have a clue on any of that. I realize I've learned so much. 

I'm remembering just last week how I pushed myself to 12.06 miles. The absolute farthest and longest my feet have ever carried me. I realize I've gone so far. 

In this season since signing up for this race, I've lost a lot. My world is different than when I began this journey. There have been so many hard days, but I have come out the other side knowing Jesus more than I ever knew was possible. I realize He is my strength. 

I'm not sure why I feel so tired this weekend. It seems like I want to do is sleep. I'm nervous I'm getting sick. But maybe it's my body's way of resting up and recharging my batteries? I'm not sure, but I'm not refusing a nap. 

My mantra I repeat over and over and over while my feet continuously hit the pavement is, "I can do hard things, because Jesus goes before me." 

Could you pray with me and for me as I finish this? I am so looking forward to crossing that finish line, and having a medal around my neck. But there's still a lot of life to be lived in the mean time. 

Love, M 

Lately I feel like I have really little faith, but really big dreams. I was reminded that Jesus said, "...if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you." I've been trying to work this out. I feel like bigger is always so much better, but today I found so much beauty in the small. Maybe having a tiny, but honest faith is just enough for now, and that's okay. 

The Tooth Fairy.

Growing up we didn't celebrate Halloween much. We normally went out to dinner as a family and then went to the store, and each picked out a bag of our favorite candy. Because there are seven of us, we had quite a variety of candy to share. I never felt like I missed out on trick or treating or dressing up. I had a really great childhood. I just never went trick or treating. 

I first went trick or treating when I was 25 years old, while visiting a friend in Florida, on a Naval base. 

So my dressing up skills were decades behind everyone else's, but if you know me, being creative is what I do, and what I love. 

So last year I signed up to host a "trunk" in our church's Trunk or Treat night. 

If you didn't grow up "churched", Trunk or Treat is an event where cars line up in the parking lot, and pass out candy from their trunks. There's a lot of candy for the kids, it's a safe and controlled environment, and it's a great way for churches to love their communities. 

So, I thought long and hard about what to be. And I decided on the Tooth Fairy. Because, why not?! 

I wanted to set up my space to feel like you were visiting the Tooth Fairy's home. 

I made this skirt myself. I saw a similar one at Anthropologie, and figured I could teach myself to sew it. So I did. 

I designed her outfit around the idea of being light, airy, and whimsical. I chose white and gold to be the main colors, and of course accented everything with teeth. 

I found this foam crown in a clearance bin at the store for 25¢. It was bright pink, so I just spray painted it and hot glued sparkly gems to it. 

The sweater was from Forever 21, and one of my favorites from last season. It was also very helpful, because in Michigan, Halloween is often met with below freezing temps. 

I made the skirt myself, and intentionally went with a gold and sparkly waist band. 

I made her wand from a random dowel rod I spray painted gold, a felt tooth I made, and of course pretty ribbon to give it pizazz. 

The shoes were $4 clearance black flats I found at Walmart in the kid's section. I just spray painted them gold, and they were good to go. 

The wings. Heaven help me. They were bright purple, pink, and green when I bought them from Walmart. The gems on them were so gaudy. So I deconstructed them, spray painted them gold, added pretty gems that matched my crown, and added a felt tooth. 

Because I'm really into little details, I made earring out of quarters. 

The Tooth Fairy's living room. 💛

If you could imagine visiting the Tooth Fairy, I believe this is what it would look like. 

I love to check out the discounted lumber section at The Home Depot. Any time there are boards that are in decent condition, I buy them, paint them with chalkboard paint, and create cute little signs all around my home. So this was an easy way to help people understand who I was. 

I love this cart. It's from ikea, and it has been used for so much in my home. But here, I had it hold the Tooth Fairy's most important things. I went to a dollar store, and bought packs of cheap toothbrushes, and put them in mason jars. I went to the bank and had $40 made into quarters. (Which was really helpful later for when I needed to head to the laundromat.) I felt weird about the "lost teeth" jars, but the Tooth Fairy would have them. So I just used pearl beads I had around the house in mason jars. I just used plain white construction paper to create teeth labels to keep the theme going, and again help explain what was going on in my wild brain. 

I grabbed a few pillows from home, and placed a black blanket on my car to create a "couch ish area". I'm not sure how well it translated, but it was another perfect opportunity to add more teeth things around the space. I just cut out a tooth from white felt, and pinned it to a pillow I had made. 

I knew I wouldn't want to stand the entire time, so I brought this cute chair and table, because the Tooth Fairy would totally have an on trend bistro set at her home. Lol. 

This is one of my favorite mirrors. I actually found it at a garage sale a few summers ago, and I think it gave the illusion of a window. 

I spray painted this cute lantern to have just for some extra light once it got darker, plus I just can't stop spray painting everything I own gold. (I asked for gold spray paint for Christmas last year. I didn't get any, but that just shows the level of love it have for it...) 

I just used puffy fabric paint on one of my mugs to write out "The Tooth Fairy". The great part of that was that as soon as I got home, I just peeled it off without ruining my mug. I just wanted to sip something warm and cozy, because hello Michigan. Ugh. 

Happy October y'all. 

Love, M (The Tooth Fairy) 

 

In all my years, I've never had my heart break the way it is now. Last night held one of the best moments of my entire life, and tonight held one of the worst. The high emotion of everything has left me in a puddle. 

I'm just falling apart. And not in a pretty, cute, funny kinda way. This is ugly and heavy and debilitating.

One day I may share this story, but for tonight, I am sharing this song by Cheisty Nockles that I am clinging to. 

Great God, wrap your arms around the world tonight. And me too. 

Please pray. 

From babies hidden in the shadows
To the cities shining bright
There are captives weeping
Far from sight
For every doorway has a story
And some are holding back the cries
But there is One who hears at the night

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
So we can join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

From the farthest corners of the earth
Still His mercy reaches
Even to the pain we cannot see
And even through the darkness
There's a promise that will keep us
There is One who came to set us free

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
So we can join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

So let Your song rise
And fill up the earth
Let Your hope ring out
Let Your heart be heard

So let Your song rise
And fill up the earth
Let Your hope ring out
Let Your heart be heard

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
And we will join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

We'll sing along (x6)

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
And we will join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
And we will join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

Sleepy thoughts.

It's 11:30 at night. My phone is at 8%. It's been a very full day, and tomorrow will prove to be full as well. 

I just looked at my planner. 

•training: 8 miles

•Shawn's 30th birthday 

•Taste of Clarkston/Village Art Fair/ Octoberfest 

•visit another new church 

•cider mill 

•yoga class 

It's going to be a busy one. I love days full to the brim with laughs and love, friends and family, food and festivals. It's going to be great.

But I also love the right now. The quiet house. The sleepy eyes. The book in bed. The cozy robe. The sleepy time tea. The time alone. And the rest that is about to happen. 

Sweet dreams, dear friends. 

Tomorrow let's conquer the world. 

M 

I've got stories.

I'm such a day dreamer, and an over thinker. The secret subplots forming in my brain could rival Hollywood on any given day. My mind is a strange place. It creates stories and back stories for everything and everyone, while planning out vivid future story lines for all the above. 

Lately I've been thinking so much about the future. Probably because I just can't seem to grasp ahold of any of it. Every facet of life is currently unstable and uncertain. 

So when I daydream, it's not about next Tuesday, or next year, it's often so far down the road, it feels like it may never happen. Maybe that's why I like it so, it has a touch of magic. 

Tonight I was sitting on the front porch, just daydreaming, and attempting to read. But I was distracted by the sounds of a father and son playing basketball across the street. 

Lately my mind often wanders to my daughter. 

I have held her in my heart for over a decade. I have her name picked out, before I even know of her existence. I don't know if she will be born from this body, or if she will join us through adoption. I haven't met her father, and have no way of knowing when she will enter my life. I may still be years from holding her. 

But I still think about her. 

I'll bet she'll have wild hair, and a spunky streak. If she's anything like her mama, I would guess that keeping shoes on her feet will be near impossible. I imagine that books may be one of her first and most passionate loves. And I would hope that she loves big. 

I think about the stories I want to tell her one day. Of when God showed Himself faithful, time after time. Of all the fun and silly roads trips with my family. Of all of the people I loved and that loved me right back. Of adventures to South America, alone. Of when I vacationed with 200 girls I had never met. Of all of my bad dates while I waited for her daddy. Of my favorite whimsical small town. Of moments when I wanted to hold her, I thought my heart would just burst with anticipation. 

Oh how I want to freeze time while I soak up every second to share with her one day. But also how I want to fast forward to meeting her daddy, and meeting her. 

I know I have this beautiful life to live, right now, in the present. I don't want to wish it away. But I don't want to stop daydreaming.

So for now, as the storm blows in, I'm freezing this moment and ignoring the present troubles for a few more seconds while I think of little A, and how one day, I'll be able to tell her of all of my adventures with my Jesus, my wild hair, and my bare feet. 

Because, darling, I've got stories. 

Doors.

Doors. I am so thankful for each of them, who they represent, and the refuge I found there. 15 days of travel can make a girl weary, but I found so much rest for my soul. And I am so thankful. 

So thankful for this first stop on my Texan adventure. Brian and Ashlee are the most gracious of hosts. I have not laughed this hard, nor slept this great in a very long time. I was thankful to visit with them, my youth pastor and his wife from over a decade ago, and my sweet friend/little sister from the sorority Gamma Eta Pi. Now onto phase two: meeting all the best friends I have never laid eyes on before.

So thankful for my second stop of adventure. 20 women, all together, in the same house, for a long weekend. It was perfect. I found so much love and laughter here. There were late night chats, and early morning snuggles. I have never met any of these women before Thursday, and yet they feel like life long friends. I am so thankful to have been so encouraged to dream with Jesus from these incredible women. They are true treasures.

Thankful for Houston. Here I found much physical rest, baby snuggles, late night big convos, pumpkin pancakes, and I finally watched the last 3 episodes of the office. I'm pretty sure sweat pants were worn more than real pants here. I'm so thankful for friends that opened their home to a weary soul, and had coffee brewing at all hours of the day. Houston, you were lovely. Until next time...

Oh Phoenix. You surprised me with your sweetness. Here I was spoiled and loved well. I connected with family, and old friends. I started to really dream big dreams, and began plans to see those dreams come to fruition. I shared the deepest parts of my heart, and it was received well. You are so dear to my heart, and I am so thankful for our unexpected time together.

Out of all the doors in all the world, I'm most happy to be at this one.