I have bad luck with electronics. The cd player in my car and my ipod were destroyed four years ago on a bad date. My laptop quit working a week after I moved out of my parents, three years ago. I dropped my cell phone the day after I canceled insurance on it, last month. The screen is cracked, the battery life is two hours at best, and sometimes it just quits working.
I promise, I am not complaining. I've been okay. I know I could spend money to remedy all of that, but it just isn't that important to me. So, I listen to cassette tapes in my car, or when my phone isn't being sassy, I plug it into a cassette adapter, and listen to internet radio. I don't mind going to the library to use the computers to write. I love to people watch. And I have an app on my phone to write all of my blogs on when its late at night. It's how I've done it the past year. I like it.
But, when approached to write consistently for graceeveryday.org, I knew I needed a more reliable computer. Life has been too busy to make it to the library, and I couldn't download an app to post from. So, I weighed my options. I could buy a used computer online, but who knows how shady that could be. So, I went to the store, hoping to be able to open store credit, and pay for some that day, and pay the rest off in the next couple months. I was denied. I was so annoyed.
Clearly this didn't make sense. I needed a computer to write about God's faithfulness. Why wasn't He being faithful?
I remember talking with my friend about my annoyance, and we agreed that this was just going to be a cool God story....eventually.
A week or so later, a friend got back to me about a message I had sent her about helping me look for a computer on Craigslist. I told her I needed it for writing and ministry. She then told me I could just have her old one, because they just bought a new one, and didn't know what to do with the old one. She told me she saw it everyday, sitting on a shelf, and meant to get rid of it, but it never felt like the right time. But she knew now was the right time. She drove it to me a few days later, and dropped it off. Free of charge. It isn't the nicest and the newest, but it works perfectly for me and my situation.
I am baffled again that the God of Heaven worked it out so I was not worried about paying something off, or driving around looking for one. He had it delivered to my front porch. He is so faithful. He cares about the tiniest details of my life.
What. A. God.
How has God wowed you lately? Are your eyes open to see it?
Happy Tuesday. Love, M
Showing posts with label faithful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faithful. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Start dreaming...
How is it already mid January? I am amazed. Where have the last few weeks gone? Between friends in town, work, and getting sick, time has flown by.
I spent some time this weekend reflecting on the past year, and making plans for this year.
This year is so fresh, so full of possibilities. What will become of 2013? Will it be full of adventure? Love? Joy? Conquering goals? Newness? Travel?
I have talked with a few of my closest girlfriends about this lately. It seems like we are all sitting on the cusp of big things right now. We have allowed ourselves to dream out loud, and wonder what God has for us. It is an exciting yet scary conversation to have. We wonder how to get from here to there. We question if what we are doing now is really opening doors for our dreams. We plan, as single girls, wondering if maybe this will be the year things change. We want to be where His has us, but sometimes we are unsure what that looks like.
So, what are your big dreams for this year?
It's okay to dream big dreams. We have a good God, and He is faithful.
I am dreaming for: my feet to be on South American soil again, friends to know Jesus, adventures alone, and to be used wherever I am.
I am excited to watch as my friends and I see God to be faithful, and as He guides our steps to whatever is next.
Hello 2013, I can't wait.
Love, M :)
I spent some time this weekend reflecting on the past year, and making plans for this year.
This year is so fresh, so full of possibilities. What will become of 2013? Will it be full of adventure? Love? Joy? Conquering goals? Newness? Travel?
I have talked with a few of my closest girlfriends about this lately. It seems like we are all sitting on the cusp of big things right now. We have allowed ourselves to dream out loud, and wonder what God has for us. It is an exciting yet scary conversation to have. We wonder how to get from here to there. We question if what we are doing now is really opening doors for our dreams. We plan, as single girls, wondering if maybe this will be the year things change. We want to be where His has us, but sometimes we are unsure what that looks like.
So, what are your big dreams for this year?
It's okay to dream big dreams. We have a good God, and He is faithful.
I am dreaming for: my feet to be on South American soil again, friends to know Jesus, adventures alone, and to be used wherever I am.
I am excited to watch as my friends and I see God to be faithful, and as He guides our steps to whatever is next.
Hello 2013, I can't wait.
Love, M :)
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Happy 1st Birthday!
I write this in shock. How has it been a year already?!?! Life is flying by! It has been one year since I wrote this first blog. I never intended on actually writing much. I never planned on people reading this. I just kinda did it on a whim.
Well, 365 days, 4671 views, and numerous countries later, here we are.
It has been a wild ride. I am blown away at all that has transpired over the past year.
So, bear with me, since I am celebrating, I want to share my top 12 moments of 2012 with you, so this is going to be a long one!
One.
Bolivia.
What an adventure. I went all alone, to the farthest I have been away, for the longest time I have been away, to serve people I had no clue about. I lived in Cochabamba, Bolivia for six weeks. I fell in love with the culture, with the people, and the country. I went to work with orphans, and I did, but I fell in love with kids on the street. My heart broke for them. I then know that I want to be in fulltime missions, loving people that have often been forgotten about. I long for the day to be in South America again.
Two.
Andrew.
I nanny fulltime, when I'm not out saving the world. :) The family I nanny for has a little girl who is my absolute best friend. I love her more than I have ever loved a person. She had a little brother born earlier this year. I was nervous, could I love him too? Well, without a doubt, he has my heart. He is the reason I love early mornings, because we get to cuddle. These precious babes are everything to me, and have enhanced my life like I never thought possible.
Three.
Karen.
Karen is the little girl I sponsor through Compassion International. She lives in Cochabamba, Bolivia, and I was able to meet her, and spend a day with her this spring. She is a delightful little girl. She just turned 6 this fall. She is full of life and energy. I was able to supply some basic needs for the family, and share Christ's love with them. It may be the best day of my life.
Four.
Nestor.
Many of you know the story of Nestor. I know this, because I run into you everywhere, and you ask about him, or tell me you are still praying for him. This little baby boy with a broken heart became my baby boy. I fell in love with him, and through him, God helped heal my broken heart. Nestor is in Cochabamba, at a Nutrition Center.
Five.
The Wedding.
One of my very best girlfriends got married this summer. We met in high school at church summer camp. We only lived in the same state for a year or so, but we became lifelong friends. She now lives in Louisville, and we rarely see each other, but this summer, I flew down twice to spend time with her, and prepare for the wedding. It was so much fun! I love the man she married. He is a good man that loves Jesus, and loves her. It was such a sweet wedding.
Six.
Clarkston.
While living in Bolivia, I began praying to move closer to work, family, friends, and church. I also prayed for a specific amount for rent. Within days of me being back home, doors opened up, and I now live in the most darling area with the sweetest downtown, and to the penny, I pay what I prayed for.
Seven.
Live Live Church.
This fall, I was asked to come on staff at a small church, as their children's director. After praying, and seeking counsel, I took the position. After 20 years of wanting to be in ministry, a door opened up where I am now paid to do part time ministry, loving kids. Its mind blowing how good God is.
Eight.
The Oakland Press.
Earlier this fall, The Oakland Press added this blog, my nonsensical writings to their list of blogs on their website. I was amazed at how this girl, who is not a writer, is now writing, and more people are reading. I get to share His faithfulness, and how Jesus is changing my life with people I don't even know.
Nine.
Pontiac.
I have begun to fall in love with the city of Pontiac. Perhaps because it is broken, I am drawn to it. But I have met the most wonderful people by just loving them, and feeding them on the weekends. They need a real Savior just as much as someone in another country. But while God has me here, I want to love here. So, I try.
Ten.
Chicago.
On the first day of autumn, one of my best friends and I flew to Chicago. We flew in at 8 that morning, and flew out at 8 that night. We had no plans, no agendas, no expectations. We just spontaneously went. It was the most beautiful day. We rode the ferris wheel, we ate a hot dog from a street cart, we shared Jesus over a cup of coffee to a man, we just lived life to the fullest.
Eleven.
Random friends.
This year was a year filled with amazing friends. People I had just met, or relationships 20 years old were flourishig into friendships. I havefriends in almost 20 states, and multiple countries around the world now. I have become very good friends with the strangest group of people. People that don't dress like I do, talk like I do, or even believe like I do. I am honored to have the friends I have. I never thought one of my best friends would be gay, or another friend would have never before stepped inside a church. But Jesus has given me new eyes this year, to really love like He loves. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love these people with everything in me. I am so blessed they allow this crazy girl to be apart of their lives.
Twelve.
He is real.
Over the course of a few events earlier this year, I realized how real our God is. He revealed Himself in ways that blows my mind. He is faithful. He is close to the broken hearted. He is the one that comforts my soul. He is my best friend. He is real. He is more than just Sunday morning church. He loves me more than I could ever begin to comprehend. I have His favor. I am His beloved. He doesn't change. He is always good. He alone conquered sin, hell, death, the grave, and Satan himself. He brings joy in the sadness. He brings peace. I have purpose, only because of Him.
So, if you actually made it this far, thank you. I know that was a lot to read. My heart rejoices, after being reminded of such a special year. I wait eagerly to see what is coming up in the next year. I know its going to be big!
Thanks for supporting me by reading!
Have a great day!
Love, M :)
Well, 365 days, 4671 views, and numerous countries later, here we are.
It has been a wild ride. I am blown away at all that has transpired over the past year.
So, bear with me, since I am celebrating, I want to share my top 12 moments of 2012 with you, so this is going to be a long one!
One.
Bolivia.
What an adventure. I went all alone, to the farthest I have been away, for the longest time I have been away, to serve people I had no clue about. I lived in Cochabamba, Bolivia for six weeks. I fell in love with the culture, with the people, and the country. I went to work with orphans, and I did, but I fell in love with kids on the street. My heart broke for them. I then know that I want to be in fulltime missions, loving people that have often been forgotten about. I long for the day to be in South America again.
Two.
Andrew.
I nanny fulltime, when I'm not out saving the world. :) The family I nanny for has a little girl who is my absolute best friend. I love her more than I have ever loved a person. She had a little brother born earlier this year. I was nervous, could I love him too? Well, without a doubt, he has my heart. He is the reason I love early mornings, because we get to cuddle. These precious babes are everything to me, and have enhanced my life like I never thought possible.
Three.
Karen.
Karen is the little girl I sponsor through Compassion International. She lives in Cochabamba, Bolivia, and I was able to meet her, and spend a day with her this spring. She is a delightful little girl. She just turned 6 this fall. She is full of life and energy. I was able to supply some basic needs for the family, and share Christ's love with them. It may be the best day of my life.
Four.
Nestor.
Many of you know the story of Nestor. I know this, because I run into you everywhere, and you ask about him, or tell me you are still praying for him. This little baby boy with a broken heart became my baby boy. I fell in love with him, and through him, God helped heal my broken heart. Nestor is in Cochabamba, at a Nutrition Center.
Five.
The Wedding.
One of my very best girlfriends got married this summer. We met in high school at church summer camp. We only lived in the same state for a year or so, but we became lifelong friends. She now lives in Louisville, and we rarely see each other, but this summer, I flew down twice to spend time with her, and prepare for the wedding. It was so much fun! I love the man she married. He is a good man that loves Jesus, and loves her. It was such a sweet wedding.
Six.
Clarkston.
While living in Bolivia, I began praying to move closer to work, family, friends, and church. I also prayed for a specific amount for rent. Within days of me being back home, doors opened up, and I now live in the most darling area with the sweetest downtown, and to the penny, I pay what I prayed for.
Seven.
Live Live Church.
This fall, I was asked to come on staff at a small church, as their children's director. After praying, and seeking counsel, I took the position. After 20 years of wanting to be in ministry, a door opened up where I am now paid to do part time ministry, loving kids. Its mind blowing how good God is.
Eight.
The Oakland Press.
Earlier this fall, The Oakland Press added this blog, my nonsensical writings to their list of blogs on their website. I was amazed at how this girl, who is not a writer, is now writing, and more people are reading. I get to share His faithfulness, and how Jesus is changing my life with people I don't even know.
Nine.
Pontiac.
I have begun to fall in love with the city of Pontiac. Perhaps because it is broken, I am drawn to it. But I have met the most wonderful people by just loving them, and feeding them on the weekends. They need a real Savior just as much as someone in another country. But while God has me here, I want to love here. So, I try.
Ten.
Chicago.
On the first day of autumn, one of my best friends and I flew to Chicago. We flew in at 8 that morning, and flew out at 8 that night. We had no plans, no agendas, no expectations. We just spontaneously went. It was the most beautiful day. We rode the ferris wheel, we ate a hot dog from a street cart, we shared Jesus over a cup of coffee to a man, we just lived life to the fullest.
Eleven.
Random friends.
This year was a year filled with amazing friends. People I had just met, or relationships 20 years old were flourishig into friendships. I havefriends in almost 20 states, and multiple countries around the world now. I have become very good friends with the strangest group of people. People that don't dress like I do, talk like I do, or even believe like I do. I am honored to have the friends I have. I never thought one of my best friends would be gay, or another friend would have never before stepped inside a church. But Jesus has given me new eyes this year, to really love like He loves. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love these people with everything in me. I am so blessed they allow this crazy girl to be apart of their lives.
Twelve.
He is real.
Over the course of a few events earlier this year, I realized how real our God is. He revealed Himself in ways that blows my mind. He is faithful. He is close to the broken hearted. He is the one that comforts my soul. He is my best friend. He is real. He is more than just Sunday morning church. He loves me more than I could ever begin to comprehend. I have His favor. I am His beloved. He doesn't change. He is always good. He alone conquered sin, hell, death, the grave, and Satan himself. He brings joy in the sadness. He brings peace. I have purpose, only because of Him.
So, if you actually made it this far, thank you. I know that was a lot to read. My heart rejoices, after being reminded of such a special year. I wait eagerly to see what is coming up in the next year. I know its going to be big!
Thanks for supporting me by reading!
Have a great day!
Love, M :)
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
He is faithful.
There are times in my life where I can actually feel the presence of God. There are times when I know He is faithful, because the mountains keep on moving. I know He is real with everything in me. I talk to Him, and I know He listens.
But then there are these moments in life, where I don't feel it. I am overwhelmed, and I don't see His faithfulness.
This is when faith must step in. If faith is only active when life is beautiful, and God feels near, then it is a weak faith. But if I dig in my heels, and remember that this is just a dry period, and that's okay.
So, what about this slump I'm in? I have realized something in my own life lately, and last night in Bible study realized it all over again. I need to declare His faithfulness. Declaring His faithfulness helps me be faithful. It refocuses me. It reminds me that just last month, He was faithful in huge ways. Which means, He is faithful, today, when I just want to throw in the towel and take a nap, He's still faithful. It helps silence the enemy. When I am praising God, it stops Satan's lies about how God gave up on me. Satan wants more than anything, my faith to falter.
So, bear with me, as I remind myself of His faithfulness. I challenge you to do the same. Because there is beauty in realizing this truth.
God, You are still faithful when: life doesn't make sense, I'm tired, bills need to be paid, I'm in a mood, the power is out, I'm still tired, when death steals what we love, when cars don't start, when friends leave, days are long, no one else is there, I have been praying for something for years and don't see it any closer, people hurt my feelings, there isn't hot water, I feel rejected, I feel awkward, I am overwhelmed, I get sick, I cry all the time, I have been a bridesmaid 7 times, and I don't understand. God, you are always good. You are always faithful. My circumstances and emotions never change who You are, and that You are in control.
Psalm 18:25a To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
Psalm 33:4 For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.
Psalm 36:5 Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.
Psalm 89:1 I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.
Psalm 89:8 O Lord God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O Lord, and your faithfulness surrounds you.
Hosea 6:3 Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.
Happy Wednesday.
Love, M
Get ready for a huge month long challenge starting tomorrow morning!
But then there are these moments in life, where I don't feel it. I am overwhelmed, and I don't see His faithfulness.
This is when faith must step in. If faith is only active when life is beautiful, and God feels near, then it is a weak faith. But if I dig in my heels, and remember that this is just a dry period, and that's okay.
So, what about this slump I'm in? I have realized something in my own life lately, and last night in Bible study realized it all over again. I need to declare His faithfulness. Declaring His faithfulness helps me be faithful. It refocuses me. It reminds me that just last month, He was faithful in huge ways. Which means, He is faithful, today, when I just want to throw in the towel and take a nap, He's still faithful. It helps silence the enemy. When I am praising God, it stops Satan's lies about how God gave up on me. Satan wants more than anything, my faith to falter.
So, bear with me, as I remind myself of His faithfulness. I challenge you to do the same. Because there is beauty in realizing this truth.
God, You are still faithful when: life doesn't make sense, I'm tired, bills need to be paid, I'm in a mood, the power is out, I'm still tired, when death steals what we love, when cars don't start, when friends leave, days are long, no one else is there, I have been praying for something for years and don't see it any closer, people hurt my feelings, there isn't hot water, I feel rejected, I feel awkward, I am overwhelmed, I get sick, I cry all the time, I have been a bridesmaid 7 times, and I don't understand. God, you are always good. You are always faithful. My circumstances and emotions never change who You are, and that You are in control.
Psalm 18:25a To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
Psalm 33:4 For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.
Psalm 36:5 Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.
Psalm 89:1 I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.
Psalm 89:8 O Lord God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O Lord, and your faithfulness surrounds you.
Hosea 6:3 Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.
Happy Wednesday.
Love, M
Get ready for a huge month long challenge starting tomorrow morning!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
He is faithful.
Tonight I was driving home. I was tired, frustrated, and exhausted. I was praying to a real God, who at the moment didn't feel very real. I was telling Him, "I know you are faithful. It just doesn't feel like it. I feels like You forgot about me. I know You love me, but I don't feel it."
And then, I saw it.
The prettiest rainbow in the world. It was a full, across the road, double rainbow. The clearest and largest rainbow I have ever seen. Ever.
At the exact second I needed to be reminded of His faithfulness. He showed Himself to be faithful.
The rainbow in the Bible represents God's faithfulness, His love, and His promises.
Genesis 9:8-17 (amplified version)
8 Then God spoke to Noah and to his sons with him, saying,
9 Behold, I establish My covenant or pledge with you and with your descendants after you
10 And with every living creature that is with you —whether the birds, the livestock, or the wild beasts of the earth along with you, as many as came out of the ark—every animal of the earth.
11 I will establish My covenant or pledge with you: Never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of a flood; neither shall there ever again be a flood to destroy the earth and make it corrupt.
12 And God said, This is the token of the covenant (solemn pledge) which I am making between Me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations:
13 I set My bow [rainbow] in the cloud, and it shall be a token or sign of a covenant or solemn pledge between Me and the earth.
14 And it shall be that when I bring clouds over the earth and the bow [rainbow] is seen in the clouds,
15 I will [earnestly] remember My covenant or solemn pledge which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters will no more become a flood to destroy and make all flesh corrupt.
16 When the bow [rainbow] is in the clouds and I look upon it, I will [earnestly] remember the everlasting covenant or pledge between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.
17 And God said to Noah, This [rainbow] is the token or sign of the covenant or solemn pledge which I have established between Me and all flesh
That was my rainbow. It was for me. God reminded me right in my exact moment of need to show up.
He is faithful.
He is love.
He is truth.
He is real.
He is overwhelmingly everything I don't understand or ever could.
He cares about me.
He is faithful. So faithful.
I pulled over in a parking lot to take pictures. I stood, crying, worshiping a real God.
He is worthy.
He thinks of me dearly.
Great is thy faithfulness.
His thoughts toward me are precious and many.
Psalms 139:17-18a How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
Blessed. Loved. Daughter of the King.
Love, M
And then, I saw it.
The prettiest rainbow in the world. It was a full, across the road, double rainbow. The clearest and largest rainbow I have ever seen. Ever.
At the exact second I needed to be reminded of His faithfulness. He showed Himself to be faithful.
The rainbow in the Bible represents God's faithfulness, His love, and His promises.
Genesis 9:8-17 (amplified version)
8 Then God spoke to Noah and to his sons with him, saying,
9 Behold, I establish My covenant or pledge with you and with your descendants after you
10 And with every living creature that is with you —whether the birds, the livestock, or the wild beasts of the earth along with you, as many as came out of the ark—every animal of the earth.
11 I will establish My covenant or pledge with you: Never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of a flood; neither shall there ever again be a flood to destroy the earth and make it corrupt.
12 And God said, This is the token of the covenant (solemn pledge) which I am making between Me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations:
13 I set My bow [rainbow] in the cloud, and it shall be a token or sign of a covenant or solemn pledge between Me and the earth.
14 And it shall be that when I bring clouds over the earth and the bow [rainbow] is seen in the clouds,
15 I will [earnestly] remember My covenant or solemn pledge which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters will no more become a flood to destroy and make all flesh corrupt.
16 When the bow [rainbow] is in the clouds and I look upon it, I will [earnestly] remember the everlasting covenant or pledge between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.
17 And God said to Noah, This [rainbow] is the token or sign of the covenant or solemn pledge which I have established between Me and all flesh
That was my rainbow. It was for me. God reminded me right in my exact moment of need to show up.
He is faithful.
He is love.
He is truth.
He is real.
He is overwhelmingly everything I don't understand or ever could.
He cares about me.
He is faithful. So faithful.
I pulled over in a parking lot to take pictures. I stood, crying, worshiping a real God.
He is worthy.
He thinks of me dearly.
Great is thy faithfulness.
His thoughts toward me are precious and many.
Psalms 139:17-18a How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
Blessed. Loved. Daughter of the King.
Love, M
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Surprise Surgery and His Sovereignty
Monday night I came home to find my roommate on the couch watching tv. She told me she didn't feel great, and was skipping our late night roomie chat and tv show. She said something just felt off in her body. She went to bed early, and I spent time in my room reading before bed.
Tuesday morning I was up at 5, like normal. My normal routine was in motion, until I noticed the kitchen light was on. My roommate stumbled out of her room looking rough. She told me she hadn't really slept through the night, and wasn't feeling well. She assumed it was a kidney infection. I reminded her to go to the doctor and keep me posted. I then left the house by 5:50am.
Around 8:30am she called me and told me she was really sick to her stomach and in pain. I got off the phone and got online, looking for clinics that were cheap, since she doesn't have insurance.
We then texted back and forth all day. She kept me updated with snippets of phrases in the midst of pain.
I didn't realize how badly she felt until later.
She took an ambulance to the hospital and spent the day in the emergency room.
They had found a large mass on her ovary during an ultra sound. They scheduled surgery for that night.
Uncertainty.
She asked me to call her mom and explain what was going on.
Her family and friends all live on the other side of the state, a few hours away. She doesn't really know anyone here, except for me. I am her person.
I arrived at the hospital a bit after 7:30 pm, thinking I would not be able to see her before surgery.
I was able to see her in the pre-op area for a while. I prayed with her. Peace flooded over both of us.
He is sovereign. He is faithful. He is good regardless of the outcome. He is in control. He is not surprised by this. He is loving. He is healer. He is provider. He is peace.
I was able to meet the whole surgical team, and ask questions. That in itself was a blessing. I am not family, and yet they shared exactly what was going on.
She went back to the or, and I went to the waiting area. I updated my Facebook, and began praying.
If you know me well, you would testify to the fact that I am not always calm. I am often an emotional wreck.
Every day since being back from Bolivia I have cried and cried, longing to be there. I have cried, being overwhelmed at the grocery store, missing my babies, seeing a sweet commercial....I am a mess.
But.
God held me together. I was a pillar of strength. It was not my own. I was calm. I did not shed one tear. I did not throw up. I did not sit in a corner and grow grey hair. He held me together.
I trusted God. I was filled with Him. The prayers of my dear friends and family overwhelmed me as I remembered and reflected on who He is, and how He is always faithful.
My roommate's mom had driven a few hours and arrived at the hospital while she was still in surgery.
We got coffee and went back to waiting. I began to share bits of pieces of my story in Bolivia. I shared His faithfulness. I reminded us of who He is. We were filled with peace that is not from this world. We huddled together on a chair and praised our Jesus and begged for healing.
While we were praying, the doctors came out to talk with us. They took us to a back room, and closed the door. We then listened to the surgeon explain that the mass was a very large cyst. It had grown and filled very fast and the weight and position of it has twisted her right falopian tube, and cut off the blood supply to her right ovary. They had drained the cyst, and are fairly confident it was benign.
She was going to be okay. She was waking up in recovery. We would be able to see her soon.
The surgery may make it more difficult to get pregnant one day. But I am reminded of a God that opened the womb of a woman in her 90's, caused a barren woman to have a son, and a virgin to carry a baby.
Our God is greater, and He is able.
I helped her and her mom get settled into her hospital room and ready for bed.
She came home yesterday, and has been camped out on the couch watching movies. Please be praying for her as she continues to recover.
We know God is sovereign. We know He is aware of timing. We praise Him for that. If this would've happened 3 weeks prior, I would've still been in Bolivia. She would've had no one with her. If it would've happened three weeks later, she would've been in Puerto Rico doing missions work. We are so blessed I was here, and she was able to go to a wonderful hospital.
She is going to Puerto Rico for four months this summer to work at a camp for kids and to share Jesus.
I am asking you to pray for God to be two things to her. Provider and Healer.
She doesn't have insurance. She is done with her job since she is on bed rest and leaving in a week. She will soon have many medical bills stacking up. She rode an ambulance, spent the day in the er, had emergency surgery, and stayed the night in the the hospital. None of which will be cheap. We are praying for God to move mountains and provide for her medical expenses.
We are also praying for God to do big things in support for her mission trip. She is not fully funded, and is set to leave May 1st. I keep reminding her that He is faithful. He called her, so He will provide. It was a roller coaster raising funds for Bolivia. But the most incredible faith building thing I have ever done. I love watching Him unravel His plan little bit by little bit as we trust Him.
Please pray for healing. She is beginning to move off the couch and get up by herself. She has a follow up appointment early next week. The doctors have said she is cleared to go to Puerto Rico, as long as everything looks good. She is tired and in need of rest. Her body is sore from surgery and medicines. Please join me in prayer for rest, healing, and energy.
She has much to do in the next few days. I know God will show Himself to be faithful. He always does.
I know this was a long blog. But I just had to share. He is good when life feels so uncertain. He is sovereign in the confusion. He is peace. He is in control.
I look forward to sharing more as it all unfolds. I know she will have great stories. I can't wait to hear them.
Love you all. M.
Tuesday morning I was up at 5, like normal. My normal routine was in motion, until I noticed the kitchen light was on. My roommate stumbled out of her room looking rough. She told me she hadn't really slept through the night, and wasn't feeling well. She assumed it was a kidney infection. I reminded her to go to the doctor and keep me posted. I then left the house by 5:50am.
Around 8:30am she called me and told me she was really sick to her stomach and in pain. I got off the phone and got online, looking for clinics that were cheap, since she doesn't have insurance.
We then texted back and forth all day. She kept me updated with snippets of phrases in the midst of pain.
I didn't realize how badly she felt until later.
She took an ambulance to the hospital and spent the day in the emergency room.
They had found a large mass on her ovary during an ultra sound. They scheduled surgery for that night.
Uncertainty.
She asked me to call her mom and explain what was going on.
Her family and friends all live on the other side of the state, a few hours away. She doesn't really know anyone here, except for me. I am her person.
I arrived at the hospital a bit after 7:30 pm, thinking I would not be able to see her before surgery.
I was able to see her in the pre-op area for a while. I prayed with her. Peace flooded over both of us.
He is sovereign. He is faithful. He is good regardless of the outcome. He is in control. He is not surprised by this. He is loving. He is healer. He is provider. He is peace.
I was able to meet the whole surgical team, and ask questions. That in itself was a blessing. I am not family, and yet they shared exactly what was going on.
She went back to the or, and I went to the waiting area. I updated my Facebook, and began praying.
If you know me well, you would testify to the fact that I am not always calm. I am often an emotional wreck.
Every day since being back from Bolivia I have cried and cried, longing to be there. I have cried, being overwhelmed at the grocery store, missing my babies, seeing a sweet commercial....I am a mess.
But.
God held me together. I was a pillar of strength. It was not my own. I was calm. I did not shed one tear. I did not throw up. I did not sit in a corner and grow grey hair. He held me together.
I trusted God. I was filled with Him. The prayers of my dear friends and family overwhelmed me as I remembered and reflected on who He is, and how He is always faithful.
My roommate's mom had driven a few hours and arrived at the hospital while she was still in surgery.
We got coffee and went back to waiting. I began to share bits of pieces of my story in Bolivia. I shared His faithfulness. I reminded us of who He is. We were filled with peace that is not from this world. We huddled together on a chair and praised our Jesus and begged for healing.
While we were praying, the doctors came out to talk with us. They took us to a back room, and closed the door. We then listened to the surgeon explain that the mass was a very large cyst. It had grown and filled very fast and the weight and position of it has twisted her right falopian tube, and cut off the blood supply to her right ovary. They had drained the cyst, and are fairly confident it was benign.
She was going to be okay. She was waking up in recovery. We would be able to see her soon.
The surgery may make it more difficult to get pregnant one day. But I am reminded of a God that opened the womb of a woman in her 90's, caused a barren woman to have a son, and a virgin to carry a baby.
Our God is greater, and He is able.
I helped her and her mom get settled into her hospital room and ready for bed.
She came home yesterday, and has been camped out on the couch watching movies. Please be praying for her as she continues to recover.
We know God is sovereign. We know He is aware of timing. We praise Him for that. If this would've happened 3 weeks prior, I would've still been in Bolivia. She would've had no one with her. If it would've happened three weeks later, she would've been in Puerto Rico doing missions work. We are so blessed I was here, and she was able to go to a wonderful hospital.
She is going to Puerto Rico for four months this summer to work at a camp for kids and to share Jesus.
I am asking you to pray for God to be two things to her. Provider and Healer.
She doesn't have insurance. She is done with her job since she is on bed rest and leaving in a week. She will soon have many medical bills stacking up. She rode an ambulance, spent the day in the er, had emergency surgery, and stayed the night in the the hospital. None of which will be cheap. We are praying for God to move mountains and provide for her medical expenses.
We are also praying for God to do big things in support for her mission trip. She is not fully funded, and is set to leave May 1st. I keep reminding her that He is faithful. He called her, so He will provide. It was a roller coaster raising funds for Bolivia. But the most incredible faith building thing I have ever done. I love watching Him unravel His plan little bit by little bit as we trust Him.
Please pray for healing. She is beginning to move off the couch and get up by herself. She has a follow up appointment early next week. The doctors have said she is cleared to go to Puerto Rico, as long as everything looks good. She is tired and in need of rest. Her body is sore from surgery and medicines. Please join me in prayer for rest, healing, and energy.
She has much to do in the next few days. I know God will show Himself to be faithful. He always does.
I know this was a long blog. But I just had to share. He is good when life feels so uncertain. He is sovereign in the confusion. He is peace. He is in control.
I look forward to sharing more as it all unfolds. I know she will have great stories. I can't wait to hear them.
Love you all. M.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
when the road becomes foggy
Waking up a few of the past few mornings, I have been surprised to find my entire world engulfed in fog. It makes driving a bit more of a hassle. (I love to drive aimlessly, but driving with a purpose has become a chore.)
One such dark morning, I was on my way to babysit. It was early, and not many people were on the road yet. I was a bit more than a mile away from home, and suddenly I couldn't see anything more than two cars length ahead of me.
The street lamps, the traffic lights, other cars, everything was invisible in the darkness and fog. It was eerie. I knew that I wouldn't get lost. I had taken this road at least twice a day, if not multiple times more for the past two years. I knew I was going in the right direction, but still the uncertainty of not being able to see the road, or my surroundings had me battling fear, doubt, and anxiety.
This seems silly, I am aware. I wasn't even sure what I was afraid of. As soon as I was out of that patch of fog, I laughed at myself for being freaked out. But in those few seconds, what I knew to be true didn't matter, all that I saw was uncertainty.
I feel like that is my life lately. Uncertain.
I doubt if God called me to Bolivia for six weeks. I wonder if I'll be able to handle it. I doubt that my Spanish will be good enough to communicate. I wonder if my visa be approved and be returned in time.
I am scared of airports, customs, and immigration. I am nervous about flying in a small plane from La Paz to Cochabamba. I am scared outta my mind about going completely alone. I have doubts on if the money will all come in. I am frightened that when I return, life here won't be the same, that I would've missed out on so much. I am on edge about even writing this blog and sharing my fears.
This is my fog.
I am in a fog of uncertainty. For these few seconds, or weeks, what I know to be true (He HAS called me to serve in Bolivia) is being overpowered by doubt from the enemy and my flesh.
And then I remember His faithfulness.
He remembered Noah and in His perfect timing, placed him where he needed to be. (Gen 8:1-3)
He told Abraham to leave his home, and go to a land He would later show him. (Gen 12:1-4)
He was with Joseph when he was in an unfamiliar land. (Gen 39:2)
When Moses feels like he cannot speak, He reminds him who He is. (Ex 4:10-12)
He keeps Daniel safe from eminent danger. (Dan 6:26-27)
This is my God.
Romans 8:15a "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave to fear..."
Deut 31:8 "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Josh 10:25a "Joshua said to them, 'Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous..."
Psalm 56:4 "In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Heb 13:6 "So that we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'"
Isa 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I feel the fog lessening, and the truth regaining clarity. I still must prepare myself for my trip. My Spanish classes begin the beginning of January. My Bolivian travel books have changed from cute coffee table decorations to bedside companions, marked and highlighted. God has provided me with almost $700 since my last post (YAYY!) I have started the process to set up a visit my my compassion international girl, Karen, I sponsor. I have a budget of what bills need to be paid while I am gone.
I am still uncertain. But I will continue to push forward, knowing He is with me, and He is preparing the way.
Please continue to pray with/for me. I appreciate it more than you could imagine.
Only about seven weeks until its go time!
Have a wonderful, wintery, Wednesday! Love, M
One such dark morning, I was on my way to babysit. It was early, and not many people were on the road yet. I was a bit more than a mile away from home, and suddenly I couldn't see anything more than two cars length ahead of me.
The street lamps, the traffic lights, other cars, everything was invisible in the darkness and fog. It was eerie. I knew that I wouldn't get lost. I had taken this road at least twice a day, if not multiple times more for the past two years. I knew I was going in the right direction, but still the uncertainty of not being able to see the road, or my surroundings had me battling fear, doubt, and anxiety.
This seems silly, I am aware. I wasn't even sure what I was afraid of. As soon as I was out of that patch of fog, I laughed at myself for being freaked out. But in those few seconds, what I knew to be true didn't matter, all that I saw was uncertainty.
I feel like that is my life lately. Uncertain.
I doubt if God called me to Bolivia for six weeks. I wonder if I'll be able to handle it. I doubt that my Spanish will be good enough to communicate. I wonder if my visa be approved and be returned in time.
I am scared of airports, customs, and immigration. I am nervous about flying in a small plane from La Paz to Cochabamba. I am scared outta my mind about going completely alone. I have doubts on if the money will all come in. I am frightened that when I return, life here won't be the same, that I would've missed out on so much. I am on edge about even writing this blog and sharing my fears.
This is my fog.
I am in a fog of uncertainty. For these few seconds, or weeks, what I know to be true (He HAS called me to serve in Bolivia) is being overpowered by doubt from the enemy and my flesh.
And then I remember His faithfulness.
He remembered Noah and in His perfect timing, placed him where he needed to be. (Gen 8:1-3)
He told Abraham to leave his home, and go to a land He would later show him. (Gen 12:1-4)
He was with Joseph when he was in an unfamiliar land. (Gen 39:2)
When Moses feels like he cannot speak, He reminds him who He is. (Ex 4:10-12)
He keeps Daniel safe from eminent danger. (Dan 6:26-27)
This is my God.
Romans 8:15a "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave to fear..."
Deut 31:8 "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Josh 10:25a "Joshua said to them, 'Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous..."
Psalm 56:4 "In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Heb 13:6 "So that we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'"
Isa 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I feel the fog lessening, and the truth regaining clarity. I still must prepare myself for my trip. My Spanish classes begin the beginning of January. My Bolivian travel books have changed from cute coffee table decorations to bedside companions, marked and highlighted. God has provided me with almost $700 since my last post (YAYY!) I have started the process to set up a visit my my compassion international girl, Karen, I sponsor. I have a budget of what bills need to be paid while I am gone.
I am still uncertain. But I will continue to push forward, knowing He is with me, and He is preparing the way.
Please continue to pray with/for me. I appreciate it more than you could imagine.
Only about seven weeks until its go time!
Have a wonderful, wintery, Wednesday! Love, M
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
getting kicked out of a country isn't ideal
Last night I went to my youth pastor's home for a reunion Christmas party for all the high school leadership kids that have graduated.
There are now seven classes that attend, so there were quite a few of us over. We played mafia and banana grams, watched a video we had made five years ago, and all caught up. I was the oldest "kid" there (are you still a kid at 24?!?), so a lot of the younger kids didn't know all of the infamous stories from when I was in high school. I was reminded of one such story that was turned out pretty life changing.
My senior year of high school about 15 or so of the leadership team went on a mission trip to Jamaica. We went for a week, and put on a Vacation Bible School, worked in orphanages, and did work projects at a local church.
This was our third year going to Jamaica over spring break.
At the time, to travel to Jamaica, the only travel documents we needed was a birth certificate and school id or driver's license. I had turned 18 five months prior, so according to the law, I needed a state id or driver's license, not just a school id. I didn't have a driver's license at the time. And we didn't even think about the fact I was legally an adult.
I was in charge of all the craft projects for the V.B.S. and orphanages. We each had a carry on bag, and two pieces of luggage (this was before baggage fees, ah the good ole days) one for personal stuff, and one of random tools, craft supplies, tooth brushes, candy, etc. We weighed our bags, prayed with our families, and left the church for the airport. I have never been a huge fan of flying, even before this day, so there was some excitement and anxiety, but soon we were on our way. We had a layover, but were soon in Jamaica.
We began to pile off the plane, anxious to be there. We gathered in the airport in line to go through customs and immigration. About half the group was on the other side of the checkpoint waiting for the rest of us to get through and grab our luggage.
It was my turn.
I gave Karen, the airport worker my school id and birth certificate. She proceeded to ask my age, and if I had another form of identification. I began to get nervous.
She called her supervisor over to ask her about me. I was clueless. Everyone else had gone through without an issue. The supervisor came over and began yelling at me. I didn't have the proper paper work...they were going to put me on a plane and send me back to the US...if she would ever come to my country and didn't have the proper paper work, she would be thrown out...who was in charge of my group...etc.
So my youth pastor came over to see what the commotion was about. He explained he didn't know about the paperwork mistake, and explained that we were on a trip to serve. The supervisor was yelling at both of us now.
I was so scared. I hated to fly in general, let alone was terrified to get on a plane alone because I was being kicked out of a country.
They said I would have to sit in the customs and immigration office alone until they figured out what to do with me.
My youth pastor went to the rest of the group and asked them to start praying. The supervisor went away for a moment, and the original airport worker told my youth pastor and me to go through a certain set of doors.
I was crying and devastated. I had saved money, worked fundraisers, and planned crafts and lessons, I was supposed to be there. I was so close. What was God thinking? Why was everything falling apart?
We went through the doors, and on the other side was our entire group, outside. We were so confused. We looked around, and started to leave as fast as possible. After sobbing for a few minutes, I realized, I was free. We were on our way away from the airport, and I was on the bus.
Karen had snuck me into Jamaica.
We had an amazing week. We had so many opportunities to be a blessing to so many people, and in return were blessed beyond belief. I served the least of these in Jesus' name with some of ny dearest friends, and God used us. We saw kids and adults turn their lives over to Christ. It was incredible.
Any time we saw police, everyone hid me in the crowd. We kept thinking they were coming to take me away for being in their country illegally. I don't think we breathed easy until the end of the week.
Finally it was the day to return to the US. We spent more time in prayer than normal that morning, as I was nervous about all things airport related. We were packed and on our way.
We had to go through customs and immigration on the way out. There were multiple lines, and I chose one, and was shaking as I approached the desk.
I looked up, and it was Karen, the same woman who had risked her job by sneaking me into her country.
She remembered me. She was a Christian, and believed in what we were doing that week. She told me she had prayed for us that week. She asked how my week was, and through the tears I was able to quickly share how God showed up, and people met Jesus for the first time. It was incredible.
Could you call it a coincidence that the same woman who snuck me into the country was the last person I saw as I left the country? Out of thousands of travellers on spring break and vacations, she remembered me? Out of the numerous lines to be in, that I was in hers? That she was a Christian and believed in me and what we were there for? Are they all coincidences? I guess you could call them that, but I won't.
I firmly believe I have a God that takes care of His children, who has perfect timing, and an incredible plan that we often don't understand in the midst of it.
I was supposed to be in Jamaica that week, and there was nothing the government or airport security could do about it. God made a way when it seemed impossible, prayer worked right before my eyes, and I experienced a real God who really does care.
As I prepare for Bolivia in February, I do have anxiety about so many things. I frequently tell God He shouldn't have called me, or doubt that He did. But when it comes down to it, I am going with a big God who brings peace and is real. John 4:4b "because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." He's bigger, greater, and in my side.
So, prayers for safe travel are appreciated...especially for smoothness while going through customs. :0)
Update: I still need about $1,500 by January 14th...please be praying that God supplies the remainder of the funds.
A HUGE THANK YOU to all who have been supporting me financially, with prayer, cans and bottles, and extra babysitting jobs. You are all amazing.
Love you all,
Michelle :0)
There are now seven classes that attend, so there were quite a few of us over. We played mafia and banana grams, watched a video we had made five years ago, and all caught up. I was the oldest "kid" there (are you still a kid at 24?!?), so a lot of the younger kids didn't know all of the infamous stories from when I was in high school. I was reminded of one such story that was turned out pretty life changing.
My senior year of high school about 15 or so of the leadership team went on a mission trip to Jamaica. We went for a week, and put on a Vacation Bible School, worked in orphanages, and did work projects at a local church.
This was our third year going to Jamaica over spring break.
At the time, to travel to Jamaica, the only travel documents we needed was a birth certificate and school id or driver's license. I had turned 18 five months prior, so according to the law, I needed a state id or driver's license, not just a school id. I didn't have a driver's license at the time. And we didn't even think about the fact I was legally an adult.
I was in charge of all the craft projects for the V.B.S. and orphanages. We each had a carry on bag, and two pieces of luggage (this was before baggage fees, ah the good ole days) one for personal stuff, and one of random tools, craft supplies, tooth brushes, candy, etc. We weighed our bags, prayed with our families, and left the church for the airport. I have never been a huge fan of flying, even before this day, so there was some excitement and anxiety, but soon we were on our way. We had a layover, but were soon in Jamaica.
We began to pile off the plane, anxious to be there. We gathered in the airport in line to go through customs and immigration. About half the group was on the other side of the checkpoint waiting for the rest of us to get through and grab our luggage.
It was my turn.
I gave Karen, the airport worker my school id and birth certificate. She proceeded to ask my age, and if I had another form of identification. I began to get nervous.
She called her supervisor over to ask her about me. I was clueless. Everyone else had gone through without an issue. The supervisor came over and began yelling at me. I didn't have the proper paper work...they were going to put me on a plane and send me back to the US...if she would ever come to my country and didn't have the proper paper work, she would be thrown out...who was in charge of my group...etc.
So my youth pastor came over to see what the commotion was about. He explained he didn't know about the paperwork mistake, and explained that we were on a trip to serve. The supervisor was yelling at both of us now.
I was so scared. I hated to fly in general, let alone was terrified to get on a plane alone because I was being kicked out of a country.
They said I would have to sit in the customs and immigration office alone until they figured out what to do with me.
My youth pastor went to the rest of the group and asked them to start praying. The supervisor went away for a moment, and the original airport worker told my youth pastor and me to go through a certain set of doors.
I was crying and devastated. I had saved money, worked fundraisers, and planned crafts and lessons, I was supposed to be there. I was so close. What was God thinking? Why was everything falling apart?
We went through the doors, and on the other side was our entire group, outside. We were so confused. We looked around, and started to leave as fast as possible. After sobbing for a few minutes, I realized, I was free. We were on our way away from the airport, and I was on the bus.
Karen had snuck me into Jamaica.
We had an amazing week. We had so many opportunities to be a blessing to so many people, and in return were blessed beyond belief. I served the least of these in Jesus' name with some of ny dearest friends, and God used us. We saw kids and adults turn their lives over to Christ. It was incredible.
Any time we saw police, everyone hid me in the crowd. We kept thinking they were coming to take me away for being in their country illegally. I don't think we breathed easy until the end of the week.
Finally it was the day to return to the US. We spent more time in prayer than normal that morning, as I was nervous about all things airport related. We were packed and on our way.
We had to go through customs and immigration on the way out. There were multiple lines, and I chose one, and was shaking as I approached the desk.
I looked up, and it was Karen, the same woman who had risked her job by sneaking me into her country.
She remembered me. She was a Christian, and believed in what we were doing that week. She told me she had prayed for us that week. She asked how my week was, and through the tears I was able to quickly share how God showed up, and people met Jesus for the first time. It was incredible.
Could you call it a coincidence that the same woman who snuck me into the country was the last person I saw as I left the country? Out of thousands of travellers on spring break and vacations, she remembered me? Out of the numerous lines to be in, that I was in hers? That she was a Christian and believed in me and what we were there for? Are they all coincidences? I guess you could call them that, but I won't.
I firmly believe I have a God that takes care of His children, who has perfect timing, and an incredible plan that we often don't understand in the midst of it.
I was supposed to be in Jamaica that week, and there was nothing the government or airport security could do about it. God made a way when it seemed impossible, prayer worked right before my eyes, and I experienced a real God who really does care.
As I prepare for Bolivia in February, I do have anxiety about so many things. I frequently tell God He shouldn't have called me, or doubt that He did. But when it comes down to it, I am going with a big God who brings peace and is real. John 4:4b "because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." He's bigger, greater, and in my side.
So, prayers for safe travel are appreciated...especially for smoothness while going through customs. :0)
Update: I still need about $1,500 by January 14th...please be praying that God supplies the remainder of the funds.
A HUGE THANK YOU to all who have been supporting me financially, with prayer, cans and bottles, and extra babysitting jobs. You are all amazing.
Love you all,
Michelle :0)
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