God is glorified in my humanity.

When I can't. When there isn't a way visible. When it is impossible to me. When I don't even know my next step.

He is God. He is sovereign. He is capable. He in control. He knows my next step. He is provider. He is faithful. He is all knowing. He has a plan. He has this girl.

That is all.

Praying for peace, provision, clarity, and contentment in making decisions, taking steps, and living this life.

Love, M

Surprise Surgery and His Sovereignty

Monday night I came home to find my roommate on the couch watching tv. She told me she didn't feel great, and was skipping our late night roomie chat and tv show. She said something just felt off in her body. She went to bed early, and I spent time in my room reading before bed.

Tuesday morning I was up at 5, like normal. My normal routine was in motion, until I noticed the kitchen light was on. My roommate stumbled out of her room looking rough. She told me she hadn't really slept through the night, and wasn't feeling well. She assumed it was a kidney infection. I reminded her to go to the doctor and keep me posted. I then left the house by 5:50am.

Around 8:30am she called me and told me she was really sick to her stomach and in pain. I got off the phone and got online, looking for clinics that were cheap, since she doesn't have insurance.

We then texted back and forth all day. She kept me updated with snippets of phrases in the midst of pain.

I didn't realize how badly she felt until later.

She took an ambulance to the hospital and spent the day in the emergency room.

They had found a large mass on her ovary during an ultra sound. They scheduled surgery for that night.

Uncertainty.

She asked me to call her mom and explain what was going on.

Her family and friends all live on the other side of the state, a few hours away. She doesn't really know anyone here, except for me. I am her person.

I arrived at the hospital a bit after 7:30 pm, thinking I would not be able to see her before surgery.

I was able to see her in the pre-op area for a while. I prayed with her. Peace flooded over both of us.

He is sovereign. He is faithful. He is good regardless of the outcome. He is in control. He is not surprised by this. He is loving. He is healer. He is provider. He is peace.

I was able to meet the whole surgical team, and ask questions. That in itself was a blessing. I am not family, and yet they shared exactly what was going on.

She went back to the or, and I went to the waiting area. I updated my Facebook, and began praying.

If you know me well, you would testify to the fact that I am not always calm. I am often an emotional wreck.

Every day since being back from Bolivia I have cried and cried, longing to be there. I have cried, being overwhelmed at the grocery store, missing my babies, seeing a sweet commercial....I am a mess.

But.

God held me together. I was a pillar of strength. It was not my own. I was calm. I did not shed one tear. I did not throw up. I did not sit in a corner and grow grey hair. He held me together.

I trusted God. I was filled with Him. The prayers of my dear friends and family overwhelmed me as I remembered and reflected on who He is, and how He is always faithful.

My roommate's mom had driven a few hours and arrived at the hospital while she was still in surgery.
We got coffee and went back to waiting. I began to share bits of pieces of my story in Bolivia. I shared His faithfulness. I reminded us of who He is. We were filled with peace that is not from this world. We huddled together on a chair and praised our Jesus and begged for healing.

While we were praying, the doctors came out to talk with us. They took us to a back room, and closed the door. We then listened to the surgeon explain that the mass was a very large cyst. It had grown and filled very fast and the weight and position of it has twisted her right falopian tube, and cut off the blood supply to her right ovary. They had drained the cyst, and are fairly confident it was benign.

She was going to be okay. She was waking up in recovery. We would be able to see her soon.

The surgery may make it more difficult to get pregnant one day. But I am reminded of a God that opened the womb of a woman in her 90's, caused a barren woman to have a son, and a virgin to carry a baby.

Our God is greater, and He is able.

I helped her and her mom get settled into her hospital room and ready for bed.

She came home yesterday, and has been camped out on the couch watching movies. Please be praying for her as she continues to recover.

We know God is sovereign. We know He is aware of timing. We praise Him for that. If this would've happened 3 weeks prior, I would've still been in Bolivia. She would've had no one with her. If it would've happened three weeks later, she would've been in Puerto Rico doing missions work. We are so blessed I was here, and she was able to go to a wonderful hospital.

She is going to Puerto Rico for four months this summer to work at a camp for kids and to share Jesus.

I am asking you to pray for God to be two things to her. Provider and Healer.

She doesn't have insurance. She is done with her job since she is on bed rest and leaving in a week. She will soon have many medical bills stacking up. She rode an ambulance, spent the day in the er, had emergency surgery, and stayed the night in the the hospital. None of which will be cheap. We are praying for God to move mountains and provide for her medical expenses.

We are also praying for God to do big things in support for her mission trip. She is not fully funded, and is set to leave May 1st. I keep reminding her that He is faithful. He called her, so He will provide. It was a roller coaster raising funds for Bolivia. But the most incredible faith building thing I have ever done. I love watching Him unravel His plan little bit by little bit as we trust Him.

Please pray for healing. She is beginning to move off the couch and get up by herself. She has a follow up appointment early next week. The doctors have said she is cleared to go to Puerto Rico, as long as everything looks good. She is tired and in need of rest. Her body is sore from surgery and medicines. Please join me in prayer for rest, healing, and energy.

She has much to do in the next few days. I know God will show Himself to be faithful. He always does.

I know this was a long blog. But I just had to share. He is good when life feels so uncertain. He is sovereign in the confusion. He is peace. He is in control.

I look forward to sharing more as it all unfolds. I know she will have great stories. I can't wait to hear them.
Love you all. M.

The middle

We are in the middle of a story. It is so intricate, complicated, painful, and yet beautiful.

I am wondering how all the pieces will go together. I am excited to share when the dust settles. It will be a beautiful story, pointing to a Sovereign God.

Until then, please keep baby Nestor in your prayers. So many things to say, but for now, just pray.

Jesus knows.

Looking forward to the other side of this. Love, M

Jesus.

I just want to clarify something.

The reason I went to Bolivia to serve and love, and came back with fire in my heart to serve, love, and inform here isn't because....

- I'm a good person.
- I wanted an adventure.
- I want something to do because I'm single.
- I was bored.
- I like to travel.
- I wanted to make a difference.
- I love brown babies.

Some of those are partially true, but no.

It's ALL because of JESUS.

He is my best friend. The lover of my soul. The one who fights for me. My healer. My provider. My comfort. My peace. He conquered death. He defeated death. He triumphed over Satan. He lives. And He is coming back one day.

People have told me lately, "your faith is so real to you." Let me assure you, I'm nothing special. It is only Jesus in me. But, He is real. He can be that real to anyone. His love is overwhelming and all consuming. He desires to have an intimate friendship with us.

No words, religion, or person can change someone's life. It is only the power of Jesus Christ, and what He did for you years before. It stands the test of time. He is faithful.

In order to have real faith with Jesus, you have to realize and recognize a few things to be true.

- Sin is...doing something, anything wrong against God.

- You are a sinner. We all are.

Romans 3:10 As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one."

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

- Because of your sin, you will go to Hell.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

- Jesus was perfect, having no sin.

- He took our place, and gave His life for us.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this : While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins.

Philippians 2:6-11 Who, being in the very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature if a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that us above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father.

- He didn't stay dead. He literally, seriously, and factually conquered death, hell, sin, the grave, and Satan, and rose again, and lives.

1 Corinthians 15:3b-4 that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures

-Your 'good works' will never be good enough.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift from God- not by works, so that no one can boast.

- Just call to Him. Tell Him you are sorry for what you have done. Invite Him into your life to be your Saviour. He will.

Acts 16:31a They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved...

Romans 10:9,13 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

- If you really believe with your heart, and confess with your mouth, then Jesus is your savior. Ask Him, He will change your life radically. He will be there in the darkest hour. He will give you strength when its impossible.

Romans 8:37b we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

- If you just read this and really did ask Jesus to be your Savior, I encourage you to tell someone. Email me (michelletobolivia@gmail.com) or tell someone who already knows Jesus. Get involved in a Bible study or a church. Read the Bible (start in john). It is how God talks to us. And pray. It's how we talk to God. It doesn't need to be graceful or eloquent. I talked to Him like I would my best friend. I tell Him I'm angry, I cry when I come before Him, I tell Him funny things that happened. He already knows, it just builds that friendship.

I know this was a different style blog. But it is Easter. I wanted to share. If I do everything good, serve the broken, and love the unlovable, but I do it in my name, it is a waste of time. Only one thing is important. The name of Jesus. There is power in His name. He can set captives free, change lives, give hope, restore, give purpose, give joy, grant peace, provide, and love deeper than before.

He is real. He is risen. Happy Easter.

Love, M

If you are curious or have any questions, email me. (michelletobolivia@gmail.com)

A voice.

Just a warning, I am fired up.

I went to the mall today. I saw an advertisement. It said "Be a voice for those who can't be a voice for themselves." (My exact prayer, word for word the past few weeks)

The background of the words was a tiger. The entire ad was for an animal foundation.

I don't love animals, but I certainly don't hate them. I don't want them to die.

I'm just concerned about our priorities.

Maybe this rant is because this is fresh. But I don't want to forget.  I want to be voice. I am called to be a voice.

So. Are you kidding me?!!??!!!

We care more about saving the tigers than we do about the broken people in our world.

If I were to put up a poster with a picture of a 12 year old prostitute, a starving homeless family, a crowd of kids high from glue, a baby that might not live til his second birthday because of need for surgery his mom can't afford, orphans that don't know the love of a family, a woman beat by her husband in a park, a baby with glue smeared on his little face to quiet the crying, an old woman selling fruit juice on the corner for pennies, girls lost to the chains of human trafficking, or children living in the prisons with their parents what would people do?

What would they think? Would they dart their eyes away from the ugly reality? Would they awkwardly laugh? Would it be taken down? Would it make people think? Would it make them feel? Would it make a difference? Would it?

Being a voice for those who can't be a voice for themselves is hard. It's uncomfortable. It's awkward. It's offensive. It's not always fun. It's not glamorous. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if anyone is reading or listening. I don't know if any of this makes a difference. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to get from here to there. I just don't know.

It isn't all about throwing money at a nice sounding organization. It isn't just about being informed. It isn't about feeling something and doing nothing.

Sympathy is not a substitution for action. -David Livingston

Proverbs 31:8 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.

Proverbs 29:7 The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern.

Psalm 9:9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

Isaiah 61:1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.

It's only been a few days since I was in my beloved country, Bolivia. My heart really missed it today.

Just continuing to trust that I'm where I'm supposed to be.

I love you all. M:)

I can't wait to share some new stories that are still in the works. Be prepared to have your mind blown. Seriously.

I wish I could spend hours with everyone I have ever met, just sharing stories. I would laugh, cry, and remember.

I would share what I have seen, what I have felt, what broke my heart, the real people who need a real Jesus, my passion, my heart, and my hopes and dreams for now, and the future.

I have started and restarted so many blogs. There are so many things to share. How do I even begin?

My heart is very much still in Bolivia. I only left a week ago. I have been home for only a few days. It is so strange to have two lives and so quickly be thrown from one to the other. Since being home, I have spoken in Spanish and wondered why people have strange looks on their faces. I have brushed my teeth with filtered water, and not flushed toilet paper. I was completely overwhelmed by the drive thru and the grocery store. I have been shocked when realizing the price of a soda could buy dinner for a family in Bolivia. I have kissed so many cheeks awkwardly while people hugged me. I have cried and cried wishing my arms could hold an orphan, my words could sooth a broken heart of a girl on the street, my hands could hand food to the homeless.

I have had so many confirmations that this girl was meant to be a missionary for longer than six weeks. I want to go for a year or longer. I want to do it.

I know with so much conviction that I am supposed to be home for this season. I keep asking to be a voice for the broken. And He keeps opening doors. Day after day. He is faithful to give me opportunities to share. I have a heart and a passion for Detroit, for freedom, for Jesus, and for girls. I really think the door is opening for BIG things to happen with all of those passions. He keeps giving me a dream, a vision, a heart, and a passion. It has been amazing how many people are already encouraging me and praying for me in this next chapter. I have no clue what I am doing. None. I am just trying to trust moment by moment, and be obedient. I want to be a voice, I want to bring love, justice, and freedom in Jesus' name.

I am looking forward to sharing more as life unfolds. I have other big stories that are still in the process of coming together. Life is exciting, scary, unknown, and adventurous. My Jesus is overwhelming in His love, provider, and full of favor.

BIG THINGS IN THE WORKS!

Love, M

Thank you.

Life is back to normal. Like it or not. Ready or not. It is.

I have had some time to ponder. I am such a blessed girl. Blessed beyond words could begin to describe.

I have an incredible God who thinks of me as the apple of His eye. He provides, comforts, loves, and is so faithful.

I have some of the most amazing encouragers in the world. Emails, cards, Facebook postings, smiles, and hugs... Wow! Every encouragement came at EXACTLY the perfect time. Thank you for being my cheerleaders!

I have had more people praying for me then ever before. People I know committed to pray for me every day. And people who I didn't even know were praying. Thank you. Words cannot express how grateful I am for your prayers. Your prayer is the only way I did what I did.

Thank you to every person who contributed even a penny to help. My flight, my food, my ministry, my bills back home, was not possible without such generous donors. I wish I had the time to share all the stories of how even being back, you continue to be gracious. Thank you!

Some of you just followed the journey. We don't have similar views on who Jesus is. You don't agree with what I believe, but you agree with what I do. I am grateful to have shared my journey with you. It has been fun. I look forward to sharing more of the journey in person. That excites my soul.

I feel like I have an army behind me. My family. My closest friends. Friends all across this country. My church family. Girls I used to work with. Neighbors. A lady from Meijer. A friend in Japan. A man from the gas station. A local newspaper reporter. People I have never met. And I'm certain that the largest percentage is the silent crowd. People I didn't even know were on this journey with me.

Thank you.

You have blessed my soul. You have encouraged me. You have prayed for me. You have held my hand and cried with me. You have handed me money in faith. You have followed silently. You have been there.

Thank you.

This story isn't yet done. It's just a new chapter beginning. I am hoping to share my dreams and passions for the next season of life soon. I am excited, and slightly terrified. But I have a big God.

Love you. All.

M